I'm so confused right now. I don't really know what the hell is going on in my life. There are so many things that should be going good for me, but they are not. I should be happy but I'm not. What the fuck is my problem? The last few days everything has been great. Shit was worked out real well. So why the fuck am I still in a bad mood? I think I just need to talk to someone. Someone new with new ideas and views that I haven't heard before. I sure as hell am not paying for a shrink. Again. That was a ripoff. All he did was tell me that I had dysthymia . I knew what the hell was wrong with me, but I just didn't have a name for it. Shit, I've been battling this for 7 years. So I spent $200 to learn a new word. Man, fuck that.

My obit

Courtesy of the Random Obituary Writer....(it's actually kind of funny, it changes even if you leave the same name in)

http://www.crucifictiongames.com/rogd.html


We regret to announce the disturbing passing of Bryan, who on the 3rd of October of this year was savagely completely consumed by a deranged axe-murderer. This unfortunate incident occurred in an adult bookstore somewhere on Interstate 52. The deceased was reported to have shouted "Did you hear something?" just before expiring. Bryan is survived by a bunch of cats, who could really care less. Funeral services will be held the 5th of next month.

wow.....

Man I was in a pissy mood last night. I'm doing a little better today. I hadn't eaten all day yesterday and I think that is what did me in. I'll write a little more later when I have a chance.

Well I'm done

The old me some of you have known is now done and over with. Time for the new me to arrive. Everything about me you have known will no longer be the same. I'm giving up a lot of things I love in order to try and balance my life out. I have way too many things going, and as a result I have been neglecting me. This is something I want to change. No, I need to change. Time for me to get my life in order. No more bullshit. The time has come. I feel that if I don't start to work on the things in my life I never will and things will steadily get worse. I'm at an all time low point in my life right now. Even worse than a couple months back. But I'm not going to chicken shit my way out of this one. No, I'm going to do things the right way. That means focusing on me. Not everyone else and what they think. This is my time. Forget everyone and everything else. So many people are pissed at me, and well, that sucks. But I'm not going to focus on that. I don't care if they stay mad at me forever. That's their problem. It is time for me to worry about me. So if you see me and I seem like an ass, well sorry. I'm not going to talk to anyone about things. I don't have time. I need to focus on me. Yes I'm going to be a selfish ass, but that's my problem. Don't take it personally. This is about the only type of apology you will get from me for quite some time.

See you all later.

Bryan

mmmmm food

Fuck I am hungry. I haven't eaten in 32 hours. At least the headache and stomachache went away. Plus I haven't had a fucking smoke in like 6 hours. I'm dying. I need a smoke. But I'm broke. So that means no smoke for me. At least not tonight. Maybe tomorrow I can go and get some smokes. If I can scrounge up a few bucks.

FIN

How desperate

How desperate for cash must a person to be to take a second job at Sears? Man, I'm going to selling fucking tools. Not "fucking" tools, but fucking tools. At least I get a discount. It might be cool, but I'm not going to keep my hopes up.

Ahhh, such is life in small town Indiana. Gotta love it. Wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Except Canada. That place rocks.

FIN

why

Why is my life going to shit right now?

I thought I had fixed all this shit. But no. The ugly head of Bullshit re-appears.

Ah, fuck it. I'll fix it later.

so damn

hungry.

I'm thinking of maybe trying to eat fish again. But they swim in their own shit. Ewww. What a freakin dilemma.

I should be working right now. Instead I'm fucking around on the internet.

I need to stop using so many bad words in this thing.

OK so Saturday night I'm out at a bar, and some dude just walks by me and shoves me. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but for some reason it did that night. I was ready to go out in the parking lot and beat some ass. But I didn't. I was then going to trip the guy as he walked by, but I didn't do that either. Then I thought, "Hey, I'll pick his pocket." Guess what? Didn't do that either. So what do I do? I wait until I'm leaving and walk up to him and plant my middle finger right in his face. The dude was so drunk he'll never even remember it. But it felt good. I've never really been a person to assert myself at all. I back down from everything. I'm not going to start fights or anything, but it feels kinda good to know that I could if I wanted. I'm feeling, what's the word, tough?

FIN

hmmm

I've been neglecting this thing lately. But I don't have much to say.

Fuck I'm getting old. 27 is approaching fast. That's one more year closer to 30. And everyone knows you're not allowed to have fun past 30. I've quit pulling grey hairs out of my head. I'm going bald. My knees hurt all the time. I'm getting old. Only one person I hang out with is older than me. Everyone else is like 3-4 years younger. Fuck I'm getting old.

I'm so sick of being alone right now. It's boring as shit. I feel uncomfortable when I'm around couples. I was out with some people on Sunday, and I just could not feel comfortable. They invited me to dinner, but I just wanted to get away from the couple-ly-ness. I'm happy that they are happy, but I can't stand to be around people all the time that are all lovey all the time. I'm the third or fifth wheel all the damn time. None of my friends are even single (I'm sitting here trying to think of someone I know that is single and I can't). Just me. And that is how it always is. Bryan is always the single person. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm going to boycott couples.


Why the fuck am I not allowed to be happy?

hmm....Guess I did have something to say.

Oh yeah. Got another moped. It's a piece of shit. Going to get another piece of shit on Thursday.

Seems like vent time is over, for now anyway.

FIN