Missed anything? Get caught up. Part one starts here
Well friends, here is another installment. I received two letters from the lovely Lyudmila, and take note on the first message here the name that was signed at the end. I must confess, I did not write this e-mail response. Wifey has a guest role as columnist for this installment.
Hello my dearest Bryan !
I want to say to you that as usual and usual, I'm happy so much from
your answer on my last e-mail my Bryan !!! I think about you my
Bryan all days. I so wait for your warm messages for me Bryan , I
want to say to you that now I cann't without you and your so feelings
emails my Bryan . You e-mails are so important for me, it are a part
of my life, it are a source of my pleasure to my life, I want to say
to you that the occurrence of you Bryan is a beterest part of my life now, your
messages give me a great happiness and pleasure
in my life Bryan . Believe me Bryan , that I speak this my words
with my sincere care to you Bryan , with my respect for you
Bryan .
In last night I didn't sleep well, I couldn't do it because I thought
about us , about our acquaintance on Internet, about your
warm messages, and in basically about you !
I wish to inform you very important news! I have finished work for my American
client. He has estimated my work and has given approval.
He has told, that I have very well carried out this project. My client will send
payment during next 10 days.
I CAN VISIT THE USA VERY SOON!
All my warmth kisses,
Warmth hugs,
Your lady,
Anastasiya.
Here is the second e-mail from her. Which was sent 32 seconds after the first.
Hello my love Bryan !!! My dear Bryan I is very glad to see your letter.
I to think, that you to cheer up me the letters. My dear Bryan I is always
very glad to read your letter. My lovely Bryan I very much to love your
letters. Dear Bryan , I very much to
love it in you. I to think, that you to have very many qualities of
soul which I very much to respect in you and to like. My dear Bryan I to
think, that I to not doubt, that I with you shall be a success. I to
think, that I am sure, that when we with you shall have a meeting we
shall be lucky enough precisely and a lot of love. I to think, that we
with you shall be the happiest pair on light. I so to think, because I
to love you! I as am sure, that you to love me! My dear Bryan I completely
to trust you. I to think, that you that person which I to search for
all life. I to think, that you are ideal to approach me. I to think,
that we are created the friend for the friend. My dear I very much to
require you. I am very strong to love you! I want to speak you, that I
to love you with very big force!!! I love you Bryan !!!! Yours Lyudmila .
Now here is the response by wifey
Lyudmila-
I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN.
Love always,
Bryan
CHECKMATE.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The Lyudmila Project part one less than six
Part four is here
Greetings fellow fans. So in the last couple days, I received two whole letters from the lovely Lyudmila. They both kind of threw me for a loop, so that's why it's taken a couple extra days. Her e-mails made my previous letters to her seem entirely normal. Well kind of. Here's the first.
Hi dearest Bryan !
I have gotten your answer as usual, and I was so happy from your words
again! Bryan , I want to say to you that your messages became an
important part of me and my life.
Dear Bryan , also my friends are asking me about you
very much all time :) I tell them that you are very good man, also I
want to say to you that some my girlfriends envy me slightly because I
found so good man as you by the Internet. But I don't address on their
envy of any my attention. Also they see that we have a good relation with you
and they wish us that we will together soon and that I will come to you
in Amerika
I want to say to you, Bryan , that I will think about you more and more, possible, about
my coming to you Bryan , I feel that our relations are more than
friendship, realy Bryan ??? I feel it by my heart and soul, because I
can't without your e-mails now. Well, on this I'm finishing my message
to you. I'm waiting for your e-mails as soon, as possible!!
Well is wasn't so much the e-mail was weird, but the pictures that were attached are little weird. Well imagine my surprise when I get this e-mail.
Dear Bryan !!!!!!!!
I want to have with you sexual night. My lovely Bryan I to think,
that in first night with you I shall caress gently you. I
shall caress long you what you to be raised. I to think,
that I shall iron and many times to kiss your naked body.
I to think, that I shall not leave on your body not one
dry place. I to think, that I shall kiss very many time.
My lovely Bryan then I shall as undress up to naked. I to think,
that in the beginning I shall approach only to you and again
to raise you. My dear Bryan then we shall have with you the biggest
love. I to think, that we shall have with you sex within all night.
I to think, that I very much to want it. I very much to dream of
it my lovely prince. You to want it? I also send you a photo of my parents.
My dear Bryan I want to ask you, what you to write to me, how you to imagine ours with you the first
night? I to think, that it is very interesting to me. My lovely Bryan I
very much to love you! I want to carry out with you all night of
my life. I to think, that only with you I shall have the happy future.
I very much to love you! I love you Bryan !
I to love only you one! Lyudmila .
Without further ado, here's what went back. It's a little departure from what I normally write, but it is what it is. Thanks to wifey for the idea.
Dearest Lyudmila-
It is lovely to hear from you again. I first must apologize for the delay in me writing you back. This bloody civil war has taken a lot out of me. This bloody war that pits father against son, mother against daughter, dog against cat, and toad versus frog.
I must say it is with great regret that I write this letter. I'm afraid I've been stricken with consumption and ricketts. I fear the end is nigh for my life, as I will be meeting the great maker above in the coming moons.
Forgive me my dear as I pen this note of affection, I have been stricken with a fever. In my state, I fear I shall be a right target for Old Johnny Rebel. Alas my dear, this war shall be the undoing of our love. Oh, the pain and sorrow. The nights I toss and turn for the majesty of what could become as we near the year of our lord, 1863.
My dear, please trust in me that I shall fight this cholera and be strong for the rest of our lives in the time of man's greatest triumphs.
My dear, I overheard my superior officer, General Disarray, speaking to one Private Parts, about this wonderful new invention called "the Ear Talking Machine". Doesn't that sound wonderful? To think one day we shall be able to speak to one another through machines. Oh the merriment! Think what more wonderful inventions may be coming. Oh the merriment.
Please now, I must be off. The grippa is starting to make me weak. I wish you all the best in your life. I shall be with the maker soon. Please do not weep. That is not pleasant for me to stomach. I shall miss you.
Forever in eternal sleep.
Sgt. "Bryan" Slaughter
Seriously running out of ideas now.
part six is here
Greetings fellow fans. So in the last couple days, I received two whole letters from the lovely Lyudmila. They both kind of threw me for a loop, so that's why it's taken a couple extra days. Her e-mails made my previous letters to her seem entirely normal. Well kind of. Here's the first.
Hi dearest Bryan !
I have gotten your answer as usual, and I was so happy from your words
again! Bryan , I want to say to you that your messages became an
important part of me and my life.
Dear Bryan , also my friends are asking me about you
very much all time :) I tell them that you are very good man, also I
want to say to you that some my girlfriends envy me slightly because I
found so good man as you by the Internet. But I don't address on their
envy of any my attention. Also they see that we have a good relation with you
and they wish us that we will together soon and that I will come to you
in Amerika
I want to say to you, Bryan , that I will think about you more and more, possible, about
my coming to you Bryan , I feel that our relations are more than
friendship, realy Bryan ??? I feel it by my heart and soul, because I
can't without your e-mails now. Well, on this I'm finishing my message
to you. I'm waiting for your e-mails as soon, as possible!!
Well is wasn't so much the e-mail was weird, but the pictures that were attached are little weird. Well imagine my surprise when I get this e-mail.
Dear Bryan !!!!!!!!
I want to have with you sexual night. My lovely Bryan I to think,
that in first night with you I shall caress gently you. I
shall caress long you what you to be raised. I to think,
that I shall iron and many times to kiss your naked body.
I to think, that I shall not leave on your body not one
dry place. I to think, that I shall kiss very many time.
My lovely Bryan then I shall as undress up to naked. I to think,
that in the beginning I shall approach only to you and again
to raise you. My dear Bryan then we shall have with you the biggest
love. I to think, that we shall have with you sex within all night.
I to think, that I very much to want it. I very much to dream of
it my lovely prince. You to want it? I also send you a photo of my parents.
My dear Bryan I want to ask you, what you to write to me, how you to imagine ours with you the first
night? I to think, that it is very interesting to me. My lovely Bryan I
very much to love you! I want to carry out with you all night of
my life. I to think, that only with you I shall have the happy future.
I very much to love you! I love you Bryan !
I to love only you one! Lyudmila .
Without further ado, here's what went back. It's a little departure from what I normally write, but it is what it is. Thanks to wifey for the idea.
Dearest Lyudmila-
It is lovely to hear from you again. I first must apologize for the delay in me writing you back. This bloody civil war has taken a lot out of me. This bloody war that pits father against son, mother against daughter, dog against cat, and toad versus frog.
I must say it is with great regret that I write this letter. I'm afraid I've been stricken with consumption and ricketts. I fear the end is nigh for my life, as I will be meeting the great maker above in the coming moons.
Forgive me my dear as I pen this note of affection, I have been stricken with a fever. In my state, I fear I shall be a right target for Old Johnny Rebel. Alas my dear, this war shall be the undoing of our love. Oh, the pain and sorrow. The nights I toss and turn for the majesty of what could become as we near the year of our lord, 1863.
My dear, please trust in me that I shall fight this cholera and be strong for the rest of our lives in the time of man's greatest triumphs.
My dear, I overheard my superior officer, General Disarray, speaking to one Private Parts, about this wonderful new invention called "the Ear Talking Machine". Doesn't that sound wonderful? To think one day we shall be able to speak to one another through machines. Oh the merriment! Think what more wonderful inventions may be coming. Oh the merriment.
Please now, I must be off. The grippa is starting to make me weak. I wish you all the best in your life. I shall be with the maker soon. Please do not weep. That is not pleasant for me to stomach. I shall miss you.
Forever in eternal sleep.
Sgt. "Bryan" Slaughter
Seriously running out of ideas now.
part six is here
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Lyudmila, Part 44444444
(In case you missed it, parts one-three are here)
Once again dear folks is a letter from Lyudmila. Look for the part where she talks about where her bar is. Priceless.
Hello, Bryan ! How are you doing? I'm doing fine!
Thank you for your answer on my last e-mail so much, Bryan . In my
opinion, it's so wonderfully, that we are writing to each other,
because from our messages we learn about each other more and more,
really, Bryan ? I'm interested in our correspondence very much, it's
very interesting to learn about you, about your life in your country,
believe me, as a whole, I read your letters with a huge pleasure!
Ok, Bryan , I hope that it will be interesting for you to learn
about my enthusiasmes, my favourite things as a whole:)
By the way, my parents and friends ask about you all time:) Especially
my parents, I have told to my parents, that you are decent and good
man, my parents are very pleased to our Ńorrespondence on the Internet
and our relations, Bryan . My parents wish to us a good relations in
the future, and it's possible, in the future, if we will be together
in your country, they would want that we will be a magnificent pair
too:) But remember, Bryan ! We should learn each other ever more and
more! Really.? It's very important for me, Bryan ! The fact in
that, if you know, that on the statistics, majority of a pairs are
separated because they knew each other not enough, and I don't want to
do a mistake at once, I hope that you will can to understand me,
Bryan , really? As I spoke you earlier, we must to learn about each
other more and more from our e-mails.
By the way I want to say to you that believe in God very much, I
believe in Jesus, I am a Christian woman as I said you earlier. I like
to go to Church( Russian Ortodox), it's not far from our bar too. Our
City's Church is a very beautiful place, there is a lot of an
beautiful icons too, I like this. The priests sing beautiful songs and
I like it very much.
I so want to hear your
voice, it will important for me to hear your voice, Bryan . On this
note, I will finish my e-mail to you. Please, answer me soon, ok,
Bryan ? I will wait for your messages, Bryan .
Sincerely, your dear friend, Lyudmila
And since you wanted it, here's what went back
Dearest Lyudmila-
It's is very wonderful to hear from you again. I have so much interesting things to tell you.
So the other day while cleaning out my Uncle Ron's swine farm, I came across the most wonderful thing. It's a glorious teddy bear named Petey. Him and I started to talk and he told me he can travel through time! Isn't that amazing? We went back and saw the Gettysburg Constitution being signed. That was cool. If you don't know what that is, that is when Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire saved the United States from an attack from Canada. We then saw MTV launched. That's when the US sent up a magical rocketship into space that fixed poverty in all forms for all the world.
I too wanted to update on the progress of your hero costume and the Bry-cycle. Both are coming along swimmingly. Of course you can't swim in them, but that means they are going well. I'm very happy to have a new partner-in-fighting-crime. I will teach you to kill.
Also you say in your message you want to hear my voice. Since I don't have your phone number I must describe it to you. Have you ever heard a bear growl? Think of that noise and then imagine what a teenage girl sounds like when she is being being eaten by that bear. The noise the girl makes is how my voice sounds. My mother says it's very pretty.
And then yesterday, when I was out trying to catch a greased piggy, my very slow cousin from Mongolia came over. He was dressed like Napoleon for some reason. Mongoloids. Can't figure them out at all. Anyway I was telling him about you and he pretty much dropped trou on the spot. Now I don't know if you've ever seen a Mongolian drop trou, but it's pretty crazy. He then all of the sudden started screaming, "LBJ was wrong! Have you seen the soil outside of Des Moines Iowa? He ruined it! Mickey ruined it!!" No idea what that was about, but it was pretty awesome. I love my family. I know you will too.
Well I must be off, as tomorrow I will bring home more high class american dollars for us to spend when you come.
Bryan (da one who loves da taint)
Well what's next? I'm thinking this is close to the end. We'll see what happens next.
FIN
On to part five.
Once again dear folks is a letter from Lyudmila. Look for the part where she talks about where her bar is. Priceless.
Hello, Bryan ! How are you doing? I'm doing fine!
Thank you for your answer on my last e-mail so much, Bryan . In my
opinion, it's so wonderfully, that we are writing to each other,
because from our messages we learn about each other more and more,
really, Bryan ? I'm interested in our correspondence very much, it's
very interesting to learn about you, about your life in your country,
believe me, as a whole, I read your letters with a huge pleasure!
Ok, Bryan , I hope that it will be interesting for you to learn
about my enthusiasmes, my favourite things as a whole:)
By the way, my parents and friends ask about you all time:) Especially
my parents, I have told to my parents, that you are decent and good
man, my parents are very pleased to our Ńorrespondence on the Internet
and our relations, Bryan . My parents wish to us a good relations in
the future, and it's possible, in the future, if we will be together
in your country, they would want that we will be a magnificent pair
too:) But remember, Bryan ! We should learn each other ever more and
more! Really.? It's very important for me, Bryan ! The fact in
that, if you know, that on the statistics, majority of a pairs are
separated because they knew each other not enough, and I don't want to
do a mistake at once, I hope that you will can to understand me,
Bryan , really? As I spoke you earlier, we must to learn about each
other more and more from our e-mails.
By the way I want to say to you that believe in God very much, I
believe in Jesus, I am a Christian woman as I said you earlier. I like
to go to Church( Russian Ortodox), it's not far from our bar too. Our
City's Church is a very beautiful place, there is a lot of an
beautiful icons too, I like this. The priests sing beautiful songs and
I like it very much.
I so want to hear your
voice, it will important for me to hear your voice, Bryan . On this
note, I will finish my e-mail to you. Please, answer me soon, ok,
Bryan ? I will wait for your messages, Bryan .
Sincerely, your dear friend, Lyudmila
And since you wanted it, here's what went back
Dearest Lyudmila-
It's is very wonderful to hear from you again. I have so much interesting things to tell you.
So the other day while cleaning out my Uncle Ron's swine farm, I came across the most wonderful thing. It's a glorious teddy bear named Petey. Him and I started to talk and he told me he can travel through time! Isn't that amazing? We went back and saw the Gettysburg Constitution being signed. That was cool. If you don't know what that is, that is when Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire saved the United States from an attack from Canada. We then saw MTV launched. That's when the US sent up a magical rocketship into space that fixed poverty in all forms for all the world.
I too wanted to update on the progress of your hero costume and the Bry-cycle. Both are coming along swimmingly. Of course you can't swim in them, but that means they are going well. I'm very happy to have a new partner-in-fighting-crime. I will teach you to kill.
Also you say in your message you want to hear my voice. Since I don't have your phone number I must describe it to you. Have you ever heard a bear growl? Think of that noise and then imagine what a teenage girl sounds like when she is being being eaten by that bear. The noise the girl makes is how my voice sounds. My mother says it's very pretty.
And then yesterday, when I was out trying to catch a greased piggy, my very slow cousin from Mongolia came over. He was dressed like Napoleon for some reason. Mongoloids. Can't figure them out at all. Anyway I was telling him about you and he pretty much dropped trou on the spot. Now I don't know if you've ever seen a Mongolian drop trou, but it's pretty crazy. He then all of the sudden started screaming, "LBJ was wrong! Have you seen the soil outside of Des Moines Iowa? He ruined it! Mickey ruined it!!" No idea what that was about, but it was pretty awesome. I love my family. I know you will too.
Well I must be off, as tomorrow I will bring home more high class american dollars for us to spend when you come.
Bryan (da one who loves da taint)
Well what's next? I'm thinking this is close to the end. We'll see what happens next.
FIN
On to part five.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The Lyudmila Project part Tres
Part one is here
Part two is here
Once again "Lyudmila" sent me another e-mail.
Hi my friend Bryan !
I'm glad so much to receive your answer again! It's very interesting
for me to read your messages, from them we are learning more about
ourself, and I begin know more about you, Bryan .
My dearest friend Bryan, I would like to tell you about my family. I
want to say to you that I have a large family too. This are my mom
Marina, my daddy Pavel too. Also I have two sisters. They are Katya and
Masha. My sister Katya is 21 years old. But Masha is smaller sister
between me and Katya too, Masha is 10 years old.
On professions my mom is a seller in the shop, and my dad is an
engineer on the factory. My sister Katya is a student of the
university, she is studing on the lawyer, and Masha is a schoolgirl.
Our family are living without any conflicts too, we have a good
understanding between our members of our family. Because, I think that
our parents gave to us a good education. I think that it's so good and
I'm so proud that we have my mom and my daddy.
And still, I wish to tell you good news: have almost finished my work for my American
client. I very much love my work and I spend for it 10-12 hours a day.
In my free time, we are with my girlfriends. I like my girlfriends very
much, and what do you do in free from work time? Well, I must to finish
my sholt e-mail to you Because I should work now, I hope that we will
continue to correspond with each other and you will tell me much more
about yourself, and I will try to tell about myself as more as possible
in future e-mails. I want to ask you about more things,
. I hope to see your
message soon. Bye-bye...
And well here's my response. Not as good as the previous two but, everyone goes through a slump.
My beautiful Lyudmila-
How nice to hear from you again. I was thinking of you the other day and you inspired me to write a poem:
I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle , here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out!
I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can change my handle to my spout
Just tip me over and pour me out.
I hope that makes you happy. It gives me excitement in the loinal area. I love teabags and all that stuff. There's nothing I like better than sucking on a freshly dipped bag.
Well to get back to real life, I suppose since we are friends and all I should fill you in on my life over the last couple days.
Well yesterday at work this "guy" named Smitty called my mama a whore. Now where I grew up in L.A. you don't tolerate your mama jokes. That's shit ain't cool. So I took a swing at the guy. After he dodged and laughed at me, I vowed sweet sweet revenge on that dirty son of a bitch. So I followed him home which wasn't easy since I have to ride a bike (the Bry-cycle) due to this previous B.S. state appointed bullshit, and then stalked the shit outta him. As soon as he went to bed, I grabbed a paper bag, filled it with dog shit and lit that mother on fire. I ran out of there and rode the Bry-cycle home. Upon returning, I realized I forgot to ring his doorbell, so it was all for naught. He'll get his goddamn come-uppance soon though.
I'm sitting here now eating a pickle. Pickles are so nice. Do you like pickles? I can eat them all the time. I'm so glad I calmed down. A few minutes ago I was all in a rage and was getting very angry. Isn't a funny how a normal person like me can go from blinding rage to extreme happiness in a couple seconds? Makes me glad I'm alive. My doctor says I need some pills to fix that, but why fix something that is really awesome? I'm glad when I punch a person blind and then have feelings I call my "inner puppy dog and kitty cat cuddle bumpkin lover time." It makes everything that much better.
Have you ever seen that movie with John Wayne in it? You know that one where he says over and over "Make fuck, toe suck?" That guy was so cool. I wish he were here to help train me and take out Mom and Pops. Those baboon boners. That movie is my all time favorite. What is your favorite? Puppies or kittens?
I'm thinking of buying a pony with my new money (high class american dollars). I will name it for you.
I must be off now. Time to rub one out while thinking of the Duke.
Deliciously yours-
B-extra-dressing-please-ryan
On to part four
Part two is here
Once again "Lyudmila" sent me another e-mail.
Hi my friend Bryan !
I'm glad so much to receive your answer again! It's very interesting
for me to read your messages, from them we are learning more about
ourself, and I begin know more about you, Bryan .
My dearest friend Bryan, I would like to tell you about my family. I
want to say to you that I have a large family too. This are my mom
Marina, my daddy Pavel too. Also I have two sisters. They are Katya and
Masha. My sister Katya is 21 years old. But Masha is smaller sister
between me and Katya too, Masha is 10 years old.
On professions my mom is a seller in the shop, and my dad is an
engineer on the factory. My sister Katya is a student of the
university, she is studing on the lawyer, and Masha is a schoolgirl.
Our family are living without any conflicts too, we have a good
understanding between our members of our family. Because, I think that
our parents gave to us a good education. I think that it's so good and
I'm so proud that we have my mom and my daddy.
And still, I wish to tell you good news: have almost finished my work for my American
client. I very much love my work and I spend for it 10-12 hours a day.
In my free time, we are with my girlfriends. I like my girlfriends very
much, and what do you do in free from work time? Well, I must to finish
my sholt e-mail to you Because I should work now, I hope that we will
continue to correspond with each other and you will tell me much more
about yourself, and I will try to tell about myself as more as possible
in future e-mails. I want to ask you about more things,
. I hope to see your
message soon. Bye-bye...
And well here's my response. Not as good as the previous two but, everyone goes through a slump.
My beautiful Lyudmila-
How nice to hear from you again. I was thinking of you the other day and you inspired me to write a poem:
I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle , here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out!
I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can change my handle to my spout
Just tip me over and pour me out.
I hope that makes you happy. It gives me excitement in the loinal area. I love teabags and all that stuff. There's nothing I like better than sucking on a freshly dipped bag.
Well to get back to real life, I suppose since we are friends and all I should fill you in on my life over the last couple days.
Well yesterday at work this "guy" named Smitty called my mama a whore. Now where I grew up in L.A. you don't tolerate your mama jokes. That's shit ain't cool. So I took a swing at the guy. After he dodged and laughed at me, I vowed sweet sweet revenge on that dirty son of a bitch. So I followed him home which wasn't easy since I have to ride a bike (the Bry-cycle) due to this previous B.S. state appointed bullshit, and then stalked the shit outta him. As soon as he went to bed, I grabbed a paper bag, filled it with dog shit and lit that mother on fire. I ran out of there and rode the Bry-cycle home. Upon returning, I realized I forgot to ring his doorbell, so it was all for naught. He'll get his goddamn come-uppance soon though.
I'm sitting here now eating a pickle. Pickles are so nice. Do you like pickles? I can eat them all the time. I'm so glad I calmed down. A few minutes ago I was all in a rage and was getting very angry. Isn't a funny how a normal person like me can go from blinding rage to extreme happiness in a couple seconds? Makes me glad I'm alive. My doctor says I need some pills to fix that, but why fix something that is really awesome? I'm glad when I punch a person blind and then have feelings I call my "inner puppy dog and kitty cat cuddle bumpkin lover time." It makes everything that much better.
Have you ever seen that movie with John Wayne in it? You know that one where he says over and over "Make fuck, toe suck?" That guy was so cool. I wish he were here to help train me and take out Mom and Pops. Those baboon boners. That movie is my all time favorite. What is your favorite? Puppies or kittens?
I'm thinking of buying a pony with my new money (high class american dollars). I will name it for you.
I must be off now. Time to rub one out while thinking of the Duke.
Deliciously yours-
B-extra-dressing-please-ryan
On to part four
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Lyudmila Project Part II (that's 2)
(You can find part 1 here)
So I got another e-mail from the always awesome Lyudmila.
Hi Bryan! First of all - Thank you! I am very glad that you have
decided to answer. I had big hope that you will answer me, but I
hadn't big belief that it will happen. Therefore thank you. Bryan, I
hope I write my thoughts clearly. Please, if I write with mistakes, do
not be angry with me. English language is my second language and
though I adore this language, I nevertheless do not know it ideally. I
wanted to tell so many things, but now I sit and I do not know what to
tell. I am simply glad. I know that I simply should tell more about
me, about my character, about my interests as I promised. And I really
hope that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I really hope
that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I am very glad
that I began to study English language because it has opened for me
the broadest world of the finest music and poetry because all greatest
singers and bands are English-speaking. My unconditional favorites -
Roger Waters and David Gilmore. I very much like Mark Knopfler, Queen,
Witney Houston, Roxette, Sting and many other singers, including
Russian, but I think, their names for you will be not the most
familiar (smile). I like classical music. And of course I like movie.
American movie outside of any doubts - the greatest. Castaway, Pretty
Woman, Dragonfly, the Scent of a Woman, Stepmother, K-PAX are some my
favorites. I very like the American culture and is very glad, that I
can visit the USA soon. Now I have all necessary for this purpose. BUT
now I should finish work for my client. This client lives in the USA.
Now I project design for this client. This is very difficult work .
This project is estimated in 3000 USD. When I will finish it, my
client will send me payment. I will use this money for travel to the
USA. Bryan, can I ask you, what are you looking for in a woman? And are
you looking for a soul-mate? How many times you already tried to find
a friend or soul-mate in such way? And how many friends you have on
the Internet? (I think in the greater degree I ask about women
(smile)). Do you love your family Bryan? How often you meet your
family? Forgive me please if I have asked something personal. With
sincere pleasure and gratitude for your letter. Lyudmila.
So of course I again had to make up some bat-shit insane letter to send back. here it is:
Hello-
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. It's been a rough week or so. My douchebag next door neighbor called the cops on me for being too loud and then when the cops got here I took a swing at one and got busted. It's been a crazy week in out of the US legal system. I'm back home now ready to resume my career as a costumed hero.
I didn't mention that? Yeah I patrol the streets of my city in tights and a big old cape protecting the innocent from the ravages of the suburbs. Yesterday I helped get a kitten out of a tree with my laser gun. I can't figure why the little boy was crying so much. I mean I just barely hit the cat with the laser, and he got it back. He didn't ask to get it down alive. People need to be more direct sometimes.
In other news, my spanish uncle Ron, who I mentioned before, died the other day. It's sad but at least I get his hog farm. I'm gonna sell that jibbly and make a mint. It'll be pretty sweet. I probably use that dough to build my new hero car. I think I'll name it Bry-cycle, even though it technically be a car, but it's cool nonetheless.
So how is your trip planning coming? Are you still coming to the US to visit soon. It would be cool if you came, cause I could get a costume for you and you could be my new sidekick. I'd have to to put the seat back in the Bry-cycle, but that's no big deal. I'll just rip it off from my boner of a neighbor.
Please write back soon as I can't wait much longer. My loins are dripping.
Sweet baby Bryan
Now we wait for her to ask for dough to come to the US. I'm not stopping until I get them on the phone.
FIN
On to part three
So I got another e-mail from the always awesome Lyudmila.
Hi Bryan! First of all - Thank you! I am very glad that you have
decided to answer. I had big hope that you will answer me, but I
hadn't big belief that it will happen. Therefore thank you. Bryan, I
hope I write my thoughts clearly. Please, if I write with mistakes, do
not be angry with me. English language is my second language and
though I adore this language, I nevertheless do not know it ideally. I
wanted to tell so many things, but now I sit and I do not know what to
tell. I am simply glad. I know that I simply should tell more about
me, about my character, about my interests as I promised. And I really
hope that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I really hope
that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I am very glad
that I began to study English language because it has opened for me
the broadest world of the finest music and poetry because all greatest
singers and bands are English-speaking. My unconditional favorites -
Roger Waters and David Gilmore. I very much like Mark Knopfler, Queen,
Witney Houston, Roxette, Sting and many other singers, including
Russian, but I think, their names for you will be not the most
familiar (smile). I like classical music. And of course I like movie.
American movie outside of any doubts - the greatest. Castaway, Pretty
Woman, Dragonfly, the Scent of a Woman, Stepmother, K-PAX are some my
favorites. I very like the American culture and is very glad, that I
can visit the USA soon. Now I have all necessary for this purpose. BUT
now I should finish work for my client. This client lives in the USA.
Now I project design for this client. This is very difficult work .
This project is estimated in 3000 USD. When I will finish it, my
client will send me payment. I will use this money for travel to the
USA. Bryan, can I ask you, what are you looking for in a woman? And are
you looking for a soul-mate? How many times you already tried to find
a friend or soul-mate in such way? And how many friends you have on
the Internet? (I think in the greater degree I ask about women
(smile)). Do you love your family Bryan? How often you meet your
family? Forgive me please if I have asked something personal. With
sincere pleasure and gratitude for your letter. Lyudmila.
So of course I again had to make up some bat-shit insane letter to send back. here it is:
Hello-
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. It's been a rough week or so. My douchebag next door neighbor called the cops on me for being too loud and then when the cops got here I took a swing at one and got busted. It's been a crazy week in out of the US legal system. I'm back home now ready to resume my career as a costumed hero.
I didn't mention that? Yeah I patrol the streets of my city in tights and a big old cape protecting the innocent from the ravages of the suburbs. Yesterday I helped get a kitten out of a tree with my laser gun. I can't figure why the little boy was crying so much. I mean I just barely hit the cat with the laser, and he got it back. He didn't ask to get it down alive. People need to be more direct sometimes.
In other news, my spanish uncle Ron, who I mentioned before, died the other day. It's sad but at least I get his hog farm. I'm gonna sell that jibbly and make a mint. It'll be pretty sweet. I probably use that dough to build my new hero car. I think I'll name it Bry-cycle, even though it technically be a car, but it's cool nonetheless.
So how is your trip planning coming? Are you still coming to the US to visit soon. It would be cool if you came, cause I could get a costume for you and you could be my new sidekick. I'd have to to put the seat back in the Bry-cycle, but that's no big deal. I'll just rip it off from my boner of a neighbor.
Please write back soon as I can't wait much longer. My loins are dripping.
Sweet baby Bryan
Now we wait for her to ask for dough to come to the US. I'm not stopping until I get them on the phone.
FIN
On to part three
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
The Lyudmila Project
About a week or so ago I received and e-mail from a Russian Girl named Lyudmila. Here's the e-mail:
from LYUDMILA
to bozoskeleton@gmail.com
date Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 9:33 PM
subject I wait from you for the letter.
Hello! Whether I do not know you received my message therefore to you
has decided to write once again.
My name is - Lyudmila. I want to get acquainted with you closer. If you
not against to get acquainted that write to me. I shall wait for your
letter. I can send a lot of photo also. I to you can tell also that I am
single I have no any children. To me of 29 years. I go in for sports. I
shall wait from you for the letter. For early you I thank. Lyudmila.
Not being one that is easily fooled I replied back like any good old red-blooded American can with:
from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 12:02 AM
subject Re: I wait from you for the letter.
Lyudmila-
Yes I would like to know more about you. You have no kids? That is great. I am tall and single with an overly aggressive sexual drive. I am a full blown alcoholic and like to get drunk and pick fights with strangers. Only strangers, as I would never fight with a pretty girl like yourself. Please tell me how I can know more about you. Where do you live? I live in a house. Do you like animals? I have some.
Yours truly-
Bryan
Imagine my surprise when I get a message back from her a couple days later and the grammar has drastically improved:
from LYUDMILA
to Bryan
date Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 8:47 PM
subject Hi !!!!
Hi Bryan!
How are you? Probably, if you have guessed, this is Lyuda :) I'm very
glad to get your answer ! my full name Lyudmila
First of all, please let me apologize for the delay in my response to
you, , but I was busy in last time. I'm happy so much that you
have written me, believe me !
Also, I'm hoping that my e-mail was so big surprise for you too,
really? For First, If you want that i can tell you about me more.
I was born in Russia, Moscow and now I live at my own flat.
I'm planning to visit the USA in few weeks. I'm 29.
Now I'm keen on web design. I started with making sites for acquaintances and friends,
but now I'm making sites for clients in different countries.As for my interests,
I like Alpine skiing and driving! I adore high speed!!!! I have good salary.
It's approximately $600 per month. All money earned I spend for myself.
I don't like to limit my desires=), that's why I spend my money for new clothes and jewelry=))).
I won't tell you much about myself, coz I'm planning to visit the USA in next 3 month.
Now I have my visa and reserved tickets to the USA.
Maybe, you will ask: "Why have you written me? Why are you talking about it???"=)))
I will answer this question. So there are two reasons I wrote you. I have seen many profiles.
I suppose there were 100 profiles!!! I have chosen you, you seemed to
be very interesting man for me. And I would like to spend my holiday in
the USA with you. I'm afraid, nothing will come true,
coz we have never seen each other. And maybe I was mistaken, when I had
chosen you. But anyway... So I will arrive in the USA in 15 days, and
after that I will return to Moscow. But for first we should learn each
other better. You agree with me? Also I want to say to you that I have
learned the English Language when I have studied in the university, I can speak English
without any problems, I think so... But I can see that I'm making many
orthographic mistakes, I think so, I hope that you'll can to
understand my English without any problems?
Wowww, I have written so much! I didn't think that I can to write
about myself so much, really. Probably, I'm finishing my e-mail to
you. , I'll be grateful so much, if you'll write me about
yourself so much, as I did it. I would like, if you'll tell me, for
example, about your family, is your family large? About your city
where are you living, I have never been in other countries and in USA
too, and I'll be glad to know about your country. Ok, let me to finish
my e-mail, I hope to see your answer soon! I'm attaching my photo, I
hope you will find my photo good. Ok, good bye, , hoping to
see your message soon!
Take care,
Sincerely,
Your new russian friend,
Lyudmila.
So me being the ass I am send back more:
from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 3:46 AM
subject Re: Hi !!!!
Lyuda-
Oh, how lovely to hear from you again. I was very excited to see your e-mail. I guess you'd like to know more about me. Let's see. I was born in a logging camp in the hills of Montana. When I was three years old, my parents traded me for a cold frosty case of Coors and was then sent to Indiana to be raised by a pack of feral baboons that escaped from the zoo. My new mom's name is "Grrrrrggghhhh" and my father is "Fap, fap, fap." Thanks to my dad, I'm really good at catching things, as he threw what he called presents at my head, but I called it baboon shit.
After I graduated school I went to work on my Uncle Ron's swine farm. I'll never forget what he said to me one day, "Bryan, libera mi lengua, tu puta psicotica y bestial." My uncle was a Spanish man, and a bit weird. Not sure what he meant by that, but it stuck with me. I've even had that put on shirts. The Puerto Ricans I work with look at me funny, but that's OK, as I'm a closet racist and don't care what they think.
Then last year I moved to Washington D.C. My new job allowed me in my free time to keep up on my hobby of sticking my dong in things that it doesn't really belong in. Gloryhole has become my new middle name.
I guess that sums it up about me. I mean, I have no kids, even though the court says I do, but I say those chicks are slutty and I didn't make their babies. It was some other dude. DNA don't mean shit in the hood.
Can't wait to hear back from you,
Bryan
Check. The next move is yours scammers.
FIN
On to part two
from LYUDMILA
to bozoskeleton@gmail.com
date Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 9:33 PM
subject I wait from you for the letter.
Hello! Whether I do not know you received my message therefore to you
has decided to write once again.
My name is - Lyudmila. I want to get acquainted with you closer. If you
not against to get acquainted that write to me. I shall wait for your
letter. I can send a lot of photo also. I to you can tell also that I am
single I have no any children. To me of 29 years. I go in for sports. I
shall wait from you for the letter. For early you I thank. Lyudmila.
Not being one that is easily fooled I replied back like any good old red-blooded American can with:
from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 12:02 AM
subject Re: I wait from you for the letter.
Lyudmila-
Yes I would like to know more about you. You have no kids? That is great. I am tall and single with an overly aggressive sexual drive. I am a full blown alcoholic and like to get drunk and pick fights with strangers. Only strangers, as I would never fight with a pretty girl like yourself. Please tell me how I can know more about you. Where do you live? I live in a house. Do you like animals? I have some.
Yours truly-
Bryan
Imagine my surprise when I get a message back from her a couple days later and the grammar has drastically improved:
from LYUDMILA
to Bryan
date Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 8:47 PM
subject Hi !!!!
Hi Bryan!
How are you? Probably, if you have guessed, this is Lyuda :) I'm very
glad to get your answer ! my full name Lyudmila
First of all, please let me apologize for the delay in my response to
you, , but I was busy in last time. I'm happy so much that you
have written me, believe me !
Also, I'm hoping that my e-mail was so big surprise for you too,
really? For First, If you want that i can tell you about me more.
I was born in Russia, Moscow and now I live at my own flat.
I'm planning to visit the USA in few weeks. I'm 29.
Now I'm keen on web design. I started with making sites for acquaintances and friends,
but now I'm making sites for clients in different countries.As for my interests,
I like Alpine skiing and driving! I adore high speed!!!! I have good salary.
It's approximately $600 per month. All money earned I spend for myself.
I don't like to limit my desires=), that's why I spend my money for new clothes and jewelry=))).
I won't tell you much about myself, coz I'm planning to visit the USA in next 3 month.
Now I have my visa and reserved tickets to the USA.
Maybe, you will ask: "Why have you written me? Why are you talking about it???"=)))
I will answer this question. So there are two reasons I wrote you. I have seen many profiles.
I suppose there were 100 profiles!!! I have chosen you, you seemed to
be very interesting man for me. And I would like to spend my holiday in
the USA with you. I'm afraid, nothing will come true,
coz we have never seen each other. And maybe I was mistaken, when I had
chosen you. But anyway... So I will arrive in the USA in 15 days, and
after that I will return to Moscow. But for first we should learn each
other better. You agree with me? Also I want to say to you that I have
learned the English Language when I have studied in the university, I can speak English
without any problems, I think so... But I can see that I'm making many
orthographic mistakes, I think so, I hope that you'll can to
understand my English without any problems?
Wowww, I have written so much! I didn't think that I can to write
about myself so much, really. Probably, I'm finishing my e-mail to
you. , I'll be grateful so much, if you'll write me about
yourself so much, as I did it. I would like, if you'll tell me, for
example, about your family, is your family large? About your city
where are you living, I have never been in other countries and in USA
too, and I'll be glad to know about your country. Ok, let me to finish
my e-mail, I hope to see your answer soon! I'm attaching my photo, I
hope you will find my photo good. Ok, good bye, , hoping to
see your message soon!
Take care,
Sincerely,
Your new russian friend,
Lyudmila.
So me being the ass I am send back more:
from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 3:46 AM
subject Re: Hi !!!!
Lyuda-
Oh, how lovely to hear from you again. I was very excited to see your e-mail. I guess you'd like to know more about me. Let's see. I was born in a logging camp in the hills of Montana. When I was three years old, my parents traded me for a cold frosty case of Coors and was then sent to Indiana to be raised by a pack of feral baboons that escaped from the zoo. My new mom's name is "Grrrrrggghhhh" and my father is "Fap, fap, fap." Thanks to my dad, I'm really good at catching things, as he threw what he called presents at my head, but I called it baboon shit.
After I graduated school I went to work on my Uncle Ron's swine farm. I'll never forget what he said to me one day, "Bryan, libera mi lengua, tu puta psicotica y bestial." My uncle was a Spanish man, and a bit weird. Not sure what he meant by that, but it stuck with me. I've even had that put on shirts. The Puerto Ricans I work with look at me funny, but that's OK, as I'm a closet racist and don't care what they think.
Then last year I moved to Washington D.C. My new job allowed me in my free time to keep up on my hobby of sticking my dong in things that it doesn't really belong in. Gloryhole has become my new middle name.
I guess that sums it up about me. I mean, I have no kids, even though the court says I do, but I say those chicks are slutty and I didn't make their babies. It was some other dude. DNA don't mean shit in the hood.
Can't wait to hear back from you,
Bryan
Check. The next move is yours scammers.
FIN
On to part two
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The battle is over
Well I've finally got cable back. No thanks to anybody at Comcast. I'm just super pissed that I basically went a week with no cable. Once we move in February we won't be using Comcast anymore. I hear that new thing Verizon has is pretty sweet.
Anyway I had to take a second box back to Comcast (actually the wife did it) and she spent another hour with a CSR at Comcast trying to get the new one to work. It does work finally and we can now watch TV.
I really hope we don't have to deal with them again.
Anyway I had to take a second box back to Comcast (actually the wife did it) and she spent another hour with a CSR at Comcast trying to get the new one to work. It does work finally and we can now watch TV.
I really hope we don't have to deal with them again.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Battle with Comcast part 2
(This is an update to yesterday's post located here.)
Well this morning I try and get my DVR to work. Guess what? The box won't do anything now. I am getting really fed up. I've been in touch with customer service seven or eight times now in the last few days. This is getting really old. I've missed two hockey games because of it.
At least though someone from Comcast has contacted through this blog in an attempt to work things out.
**EDIT: Well now it seems that I have either two choices: Take this new DVR box back to Comcast in the morning and basically start all over (which I know will happen) or wait until freaking Tuesday for them send someone out. You figure I'm paying these guys $200 a month for my services. I've had it to here (pointing to my temples). You'd think for the money I'm giving them they would supply me working equipment. Nope. **
Well this morning I try and get my DVR to work. Guess what? The box won't do anything now. I am getting really fed up. I've been in touch with customer service seven or eight times now in the last few days. This is getting really old. I've missed two hockey games because of it.
At least though someone from Comcast has contacted through this blog in an attempt to work things out.
**EDIT: Well now it seems that I have either two choices: Take this new DVR box back to Comcast in the morning and basically start all over (which I know will happen) or wait until freaking Tuesday for them send someone out. You figure I'm paying these guys $200 a month for my services. I've had it to here (pointing to my temples). You'd think for the money I'm giving them they would supply me working equipment. Nope. **
Friday, October 24, 2008
Bryan's battle with Comcast Cable.
I know this is a little out of sorts of what is usually posted, but here goes my 7 month battle with my cable through Comcast.
It all kind of started back in February. I had just got a new job and moved from Indiana to Virginia. Awesome. When I called to have my cable switched over I was told I had to disconnect my service and start new service. Fine, I thought. I'll pay the extra fees to have reconnected. I was then told that I would lose my NHL center ice package which cost around $150 for the full season, but I could re-buy at the discount of half a season for $120 for the next two months. I thought that was ridiculous so I said no. I lost about $50-60 on the package. Refund? Nope.
So I moved and got cable/internet/phone hooked up in Virginia. Well sort of. The boxes were all hooked up, and none of the premium channels I paid for were working, but that has really hard to tell since I was not provided with remote controls for either one of my boxes and I was not given the wireless router I requested.
After getting two seperate trips out by Comcast technicians, I finally had my remotes and got the premium channels on my cable boxes.
Well I get a bill then from Indiana where I had service showing that I was still paying for service for when I was gone. So needless to say I was mad. I call and they show that I had returned my cable box in Indiana two weeks after I moved to Virginia. After a few phone calls I finally had that straightened out my bill fixed.
Fast forward to October. The only blips in that time were having my box pixelate like crazy on some channels and an occasional bad DVR recording.
Well the bad DVR recordings started to get worse. It seemed that almost every other recording was unwatchable. They would freeze, go to black, and stop. OK, fine I thought. DVR is worn out. I'll call and get a new one. I talked to guy through the online chat and he told me I could just take it in and swap it out in the morning. Cool I thought. I asked him is that all I have to do, and he said yes. Knowing what I had to go through in the past with new boxes I was very skeptical, but I thought maybe they had changed.
I was wrong. Dead wrong. I get the new box home and hook it up. Box does nothing. It turns on and that's about it. I had to leave for work and I though when I got home, the box would connect to Comcast and I'd be cool. Nope. Not even close. So I then hop back online and with a guy again get the box activated and knowing what I knew before made sure my premium channels worked. They did not. I got him to fix them and I thought I was set.
Well turns out my new DVR was never activated. I get back online again, with the subject line of my problem "DVR does not appear to be activated." The CSR has me then power cycle my box (which I knew would do nothing, but did it anyway). After messing around with it a little more and after getting really annoyed she pipes back in "Your DVR service is not activated on your box." THAT'S WHAT I SAID IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF THE MESSAGE! So then I find out that I cannot have my DVR service activated until tomorrow. Why was I not told that when I got the box that I would have to go through all this? Or why was this not all set up when I picked up the box?
So tomorrow we will see if I can get my DVR service to work. If not expect another post.
Also-- Comcast here in Northern VA, change the trailers you play in the background of the OnDemand service. It has only been playing the same two for the last month.
FIN
It all kind of started back in February. I had just got a new job and moved from Indiana to Virginia. Awesome. When I called to have my cable switched over I was told I had to disconnect my service and start new service. Fine, I thought. I'll pay the extra fees to have reconnected. I was then told that I would lose my NHL center ice package which cost around $150 for the full season, but I could re-buy at the discount of half a season for $120 for the next two months. I thought that was ridiculous so I said no. I lost about $50-60 on the package. Refund? Nope.
So I moved and got cable/internet/phone hooked up in Virginia. Well sort of. The boxes were all hooked up, and none of the premium channels I paid for were working, but that has really hard to tell since I was not provided with remote controls for either one of my boxes and I was not given the wireless router I requested.
After getting two seperate trips out by Comcast technicians, I finally had my remotes and got the premium channels on my cable boxes.
Well I get a bill then from Indiana where I had service showing that I was still paying for service for when I was gone. So needless to say I was mad. I call and they show that I had returned my cable box in Indiana two weeks after I moved to Virginia. After a few phone calls I finally had that straightened out my bill fixed.
Fast forward to October. The only blips in that time were having my box pixelate like crazy on some channels and an occasional bad DVR recording.
Well the bad DVR recordings started to get worse. It seemed that almost every other recording was unwatchable. They would freeze, go to black, and stop. OK, fine I thought. DVR is worn out. I'll call and get a new one. I talked to guy through the online chat and he told me I could just take it in and swap it out in the morning. Cool I thought. I asked him is that all I have to do, and he said yes. Knowing what I had to go through in the past with new boxes I was very skeptical, but I thought maybe they had changed.
I was wrong. Dead wrong. I get the new box home and hook it up. Box does nothing. It turns on and that's about it. I had to leave for work and I though when I got home, the box would connect to Comcast and I'd be cool. Nope. Not even close. So I then hop back online and with a guy again get the box activated and knowing what I knew before made sure my premium channels worked. They did not. I got him to fix them and I thought I was set.
Well turns out my new DVR was never activated. I get back online again, with the subject line of my problem "DVR does not appear to be activated." The CSR has me then power cycle my box (which I knew would do nothing, but did it anyway). After messing around with it a little more and after getting really annoyed she pipes back in "Your DVR service is not activated on your box." THAT'S WHAT I SAID IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF THE MESSAGE! So then I find out that I cannot have my DVR service activated until tomorrow. Why was I not told that when I got the box that I would have to go through all this? Or why was this not all set up when I picked up the box?
So tomorrow we will see if I can get my DVR service to work. If not expect another post.
Also-- Comcast here in Northern VA, change the trailers you play in the background of the OnDemand service. It has only been playing the same two for the last month.
FIN
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