I used to hate it....but now I welcome it

I used to hate things that changed. Now I'm craving change in my life more than anything else. I'm stuck in a rut, and I desperately want out. I'm not sure how to go about it, but I really do want something new. What do I want? I don't know. I don't know what I need to get out of this funk. I just know something has to change. It's not that I'm sad as to where I'm at, just disappointed. I know there's more to life out there, I want to part of it. I've just started to alter the way I'm living my life, with the hopes that it will change some of it. So here's my goal of the week. Something that I view as a positive will happen by the end of the week. I don't know what it will be, but I will try my best to make a positive change. I'm going to start setting weekly goals for myself, and hope that it will help me out.

FIN

Recovered? I think not.......

As of now I'm running at about 80%. I still have only slept a little bit in the last few days (less than three hours). Luckily I'm not sort of person that requires much sleep, so I'm doing OK. I had planned to regale all of my readers with the wonderous stories from the other night, but I have nixed that. Instead I plan on just typing any damn thing that pops in my head until I get a sizeable post, so that you don't view your visit here as a waste of time. Or, you may actually be looking forward to the stories from the other night, and feel that since they aren't here, this visit was a waste of time. Well if you're looking for something more rewarding I suggest you visit this site. There's really nothing more intellectually stimulating than that.

Onward we go. Did all of you people out there know that I'm getting old? I keep finding gray hairs in my head. I mean this has been going on for a while now, with the first one discovered back in 2001. I'm only twenty-seven for fucks sake. I hate to see what I'm like at forty. Probably something like this guy. Anyway I think I'm freaking out a bit. The other night (see now you get one) I checked so many IDs of kids that were born in 1984. I fucking remember 1984. That was twenty one years ago. Damn. Another thing is my body constantly hurts. Heartburn, bad knees, an ulcer, etc. I could go on and on about how my body is hell. But I won't seeing as how I do have it better than some people, but not as good as what I pictured when I was growing up.

Speaking of what I thought I should be, I'm not. According to my plan when I was six, I was supposed to be an astronaut now. I wasn't supposed to be a pee-on in a television station. I was supposed to be a big strong guy, not a skinny little runt, who can barely lift fifty pounds. Where did I go astray? I don't think I'll ever know. I suppose that's life.

I'm done.

FIN

sleep, or the lack thereof

So last night the "Biggest Drinking Night of the Year," or "Drunksgiving" I helped out at the bar down the street from me. Never have I been more tired. I didn't leave there until 6am. The place was such a mess that it took us an hour or so to clean, and then we had to have at least two hours of chill time. I haven't worked that hard in a long time. I was part bartender, part bouncer, part busser, and whatever the hell else needed to be done. And now I'm sitting at work, just waiting to get the hell out of here, so I can sleep. On the bright side, I made a about $100, and got a couple free drinks, so it all worked out. It was a lot of fun, just very tiring. Plus I got to be the asshole for the night. I don't get to do that very often. I was loving the fact that I could be a complete jerk, and have people pissed at me. I just wish I wouldn't have lost my voice yelling so much. I'm starting to fall asleep while I type this, so I'm going to nap, and I'll give my dear readers a couple stories from the night in a bit.

You know....

I just really can't deal all the crap that is going on right now. So much is going wrong, and I just don't care. I've learned how to not dwell on crap. I am care-free. I should be doing real bad, but I'm not. Lucky me.

Here's the same post but in Spanish:

Apenas realmente no puedo repartir todo el crap que se está encendiendo ahora. Tanto va mal, y apenas no cuido. He aprendido cómo no morar en crap. Soy despreocupado. Debo hacer malo verdadero, pero no soy. Afortunado yo.

And now Chinese:

i 真正地can't 成交现在继续的所有crap 。非常变 错误, 和I 正义don't 关心。I've 学会怎么不居住在 crap 。我无忧无虑。我应该做真正的坏, 但I'm 不是。幸运我

And now translated from Chinese back to English:

i truly can' The t deal now continues all crap. Extremely changes the mistake, with I just don' t cares about. I' How doesn't the ve academic society live in crap. I do not have the sorrow 无虑. I should do the true badness, but I' m is not. Lucky I

And finally, English to German, to French to English:

I cannot precisely really treat that with entirety crap only continues at the present time. And I go myself so false precisely interests. I learned, as one remains crap. * I care-free. * I to have true bad to make, but I not. Fortunately me.

Gotta love web translators.

FIN

Amazing.

It's amazing at how one day can totally change your mood. I had a blast last night hanging out with a good friend, and it totally brought me out of my pissy mood. I really need to stop being so damn negative.

FIN

It's done.

So guess who's managed to fuck up damn near everything? You got it. I had something real cool going on, and I fucked it up. Oh well. I knew that I would eventually. Other than that I had a great weekend. Friday night was a blast, hanging out with friends until 9am. Met a couple new real cool people. That was a blast. So anyway, when I feel like being less vague, I'll update the details of this. I just don't feel like letting it all out right now. Damn. I really need to talk to someone. I need to let it all out. I can't type anymore.

That's it.

I will never again go out in public. I don't like being caught in the middle of something that I have no reason to be a part of. I'm done being social. The octagon is no more.

FIN

yes it is.

So evidentally I'm a hot commodity. This is new to me. But the last week has boosted my confidence immensely. I'm not scared anymore. It's nice. I don;t have much time right now, but I'll try and fill you all in on the juicy details later. Well they're not that juicy, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

FIN

These times they are a changin'

The last two days have pretty much flipped my entire upside down. I was hoping something would change, but I did not expect it to be like this. I'm pretty much at a lost of even trying to explain what is going on. You've all heard of a love triangle, right? Well this is more of a love octagon. So many sides and people, and I'm stuck in the middle of it. This is the brand new era of the crazy life. But it's kind of exciting. And a little scary.

Other than that, I'll try and fill you guys in on the rest of what's going on in my life. I haven't been real depressed in a few weeks. I think the "crazy pills" are working. I'm still having a hard time getting used to the side effects, but I'll learn to deal with that. I just hope the major side effect goes away soon.

Hung with a good friend last night. Talked to her about all the weirdness that is going on with me. It helped. She also brought out to light things that I have tried to mask and deny for years. It's nice to be able to talk to someone that is one hell of a lot smarter than I am, and knows exactly how push my buttons to get stuff out that I don't usually admit. Thank you. (that is if you're reading this)

OK. So what's next. I'm making this a marathon entry to make up for all the shitty short posts I've been making. I don't know if there is anything else I need to get out. Sorry I've been a little vague on the details of this post, but it's better that way. When more things finally come to light, I'll fill you all in.

FIN

Class act.

This past week has been really testing my patientce. I'm so very close to flipping out. GAH! Please end. I really need something exciting to happen. I'm sick of my routine even though it is comfortable. I don't want it to change but it needs to. Or I'll explode.

FIN