Today was good day. I am having fun.

Thank You.




-

Huh.....

I'm bored at work now. There isn't anything to do here. Everyone is sitting around watching basketball. SNORE. I'm looking forward to this weekend. Well Friday anyway. Heading to Detroit to see some friends. Should be fun. There's not really much else going on right now. I've been pretty busy. Trying to keep my mind off things that make me sad and shit. I think that's the secret for me. If I stay occupied I don't think about the shit. Yesterday I didn't do a thing and just sat on my ass in bed all day. I started to get kinda sad and shit. So from now on, I'm not going to be doing that. No more wasted time. It's time to get my ass in gear and my shit taken care of. (I just realized that I've shit a lot in this post, normally shit isn't a word I use.) I started to sound like an uneducated redneck. Man I don't know what the hell is going on. This is what happens when I have nothing to do and my mind starts to wander off. This is going to big long rambling post. I'm going to try and follow my train of thought for the next hour. I'm kinda feeling rejected a lot in life. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. I think I'm kind of drifting around and don't really have a plan or a place. I don't feel like I'm allowed to be happy after my attempted suicide a few weeks back. I wasn't happy living, and I don't feel like I'm allowed to have fun. I don't want to be sad, but I feel like I'm supposed to. I can't seem to think straight today. My mind is jumping more than it usually is. I can't quite focus on anything. I need to sit back relax and chill. But I can't. I'm very edgy right now. I'm nervous for some reason. I don't know why, but I'm actually starting to shake a little bit.

I'm chilled now. Sorta. I just need something to do. I can't stand just sitting here doing nothing. I guess I'm going to sweep something off.

Two days in a row.......

It's been a while since I posted two days in a row. I have some down time at work so I thought I would write a little bit. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow that I am not looking forward to. I hate doctors. Actually hate isn't even a strong enough word. I get scared everytime I go there. Hopefully all will go well and they'll tell me I'm not as crazy as I think I am. In case you couldn't tell it is a shrink I am seeing. At least I don't have to work tomorrow so that will be nice. It'll give me a chance to look for a second job since I am poor as all hell. I need to make some more money quick. I should go donate some plasma or something for some cash. But I'm scared of needles so that won't happen.

I am so sick of winter. Sunday was a gorgeous day. What a tease. Two more weeks of shit weather now. I just want to be able to go outside and not freeze my skinny white ass off. Maybe next month will be better. I'm out of here, the boss is starting to snoop around a bit and I don't want to get yelled at.

What a weekend

I had such an aewsome weekend. Things could not have been more perfect. It's unusual to find someone who you can instantly have a deep connection and understanding with, and I did just that. Although it was a very brief time, it was one that I'll never forget. It was great timing for with all the shit I've gone through in the past couple weeks. I needed to know for sure that I was not alone in this place. The dark place I have been living in has somehow gotten a little bit brighter. I can finally see the way out. I don't know how long it will take me to get to the exit but at least I can see the way.