Happy New Year Damn it

It is now the last 9 hours of 2004. Here is my list of things I want to accomplish in 2005. I have a lot of lofty goals as you can see.

1. Eat more.
2. Quit my horrible soul sucking job.
3. Move out. (kidding)
4. Quit being the fucking pansy that I am. I don't want to be scared of anything.
5. Communicate more.
6. Quit being the fucking pessimistic bastard that I am. Good things may happen. Just not for me.
7. Make a zillion dollars.
8. Buy a Ferrari just to crash it.
9. Finally learn that horribly shitty news years song that everyone sings at midnight.
10. Find a hobby that doesn't involve masturbating profusely.
11. Get some new shoes.
12. Get my eyeballs zapped by that new fangled laser shit.
13. Star in a movie, porn or otherwise.
14. Quit chewing my nails until they fucking bleed.
15. Start running. For no apparent reason.
16. Get my motorcycle running. Go Triumph.
17. Break my record of 27 beers and half a fifth or rum in one night. (Without being hangover)
18. Learn to do the hippy-hippy shake.
19. Finally beat that damn Star Wars video game.
20. Learn to digest rocks, glass, and any other weird shit people bet me I won't eat.
21. Break my record of 22 pennies up my nose. (Without using pliers to get far ones out)
22. Learn how to talk with a ridiculous foreign accent. Hillbilly southern doesn't count.
23. Have the world know that I am indeed the coolest person on the planet.
24. Get arrested again.
25. Write a best selling book about absolutely nothing.
26. Learn to juggle knives and midgets. Or midgets holding knives. I'm still planning the details on this one.
27. Learn all the cool teeny-bopper online chat shortcuts for words.
28. Grow a huge ass nose hair. Have the afore midgets climb it. Charge people to watch.
29. Develop a secret formula for making people disappear. And never reappear.


That's all. Damn I couldn't even think of 30.