Time.

It's time for me to re-evaluate what direction I want my life to be taking. I see right now that I'm still trying to be that same kid I was 5 years ago. The only thing that has changed is that I drink good beer now instead of cheap stuff.

I can't continue to live the way I have been. I'm constantly just looking for that next good time. I go through the motions every week just to get to the weekend, of which I do nothing redeeming at all. What little extra income I have I tend to blow on going on partying every week. If I truly want to grow up and become an adult I suppose I have to change that. The only problem is, that is pretty much my only social experiences of the week. Otherwise I'd just be a hermit. Seriously.

Also over the past weekend, I apparently made a friend of mine really mad. Something was said to someone that should not have been. I'm pretty sure I didn't make the comment, but generally when somethings goes wrong in my immediate area, it's usually my fault. Now I know when I was told the story, it was in confidence. I know I wouldn't have said anything about it. But again, when something is wrong near me, it's usually my fault. If not, I'll take the blame anyway. Funny thing is though, I do remember story being told not by me later in the night to someone else. It started a good twenty minute conversation on the subject. I feel terrible, as someones trust in me is totally destroyed.

I'm also starting to think that moving back to the city may have been a mistake. Granted the past year has been great for me on a personal level. I've got my confidence back (it's been missing since high school) and I'm starting to get financially stable. I just see my life not getting much better than what it is. I don't feel like there is a challenge for me in what I'm doing right now, on any level. I don't see things changing at all. I used to fear change, but now I welcome it. It keeps things from getting boring. Am I finally starting to become an adult? Should I think about maybe transferring my job and starting a new challenge somewhere else? Should I try and go back to school and finish up my degree? So much shit to think about.

Sorry for the depressing post. I needed to get that stuff out. I promise the next one will be full of poo jokes and the fourth grade humor you have come to expect from me.

FIN