Thanks.

I'm glad I have some people that always get me out of my crap moods. Thanks M. for talking to me last night. You always crack my shit up.

FIN

Shit.

You know what man? Fuck it all. No matter what I try and do, life just keep kicking me in the ass. So you know what? FUCK IT ALL.

FIN

Just for the record.

I really don't mean to be a bastard to people. I'm just not a good people person, and I tend to to do things that get interpreted one way when I mean another and well, I get seen as the bastard.

To all I have wronged, I sincerely apologize.

I am going to not let it happen again. Social shutdown mode round three is in effect.

FIN

You know what?

I'd really like to cook for a dinner party. I just wish I didn't live in a tiny ass little apartment. I cooked for some people the other night, and had a blast. I want to do it for more people. I think I'd be good at it. If anyone can help me out by hosting, I'd really appreciate it. I'll supply the food, and all the other crap, I just need someone to supply the people.

FIN

Shame.

I have no shame. Seriously. I used to, but now I really don't regret anything, or have a problem doing anything remotely embarrassing. I didn't even realize it until lately. I think I finally became comfortable with myself as who I am, and not who I want people to think I am. In one aspect it's very liberating, but on the other hand, it's very strange. I really don't hold anything back anymore. You ask me something, I don't feed you a line of shit like I used to. Sometimes I don't mention things that may be a bit embarrassing simply due to the fact that I don't feel like dealing with all the questions about it. I may not be in the mood to talk, but if I am, you'll get the full crap out of me.

Case in point, I am now going to make one of my stupid lists of things I do/enjoy and don't really care if the world knows.

Actually you know what? I don't fucking feel like it. Deal.

FIN

Suckage.

I just love the fact that I suffer through major bouts of insomnia. I slept for more than five hours last night, so that of course means I'll be awake all night tonight. I laid down earlier but just sat there and said, "Fuck it. I got some inter-webbin' to do." I at least wished I live in a house, so I could vacuum.

Blah. Most everything is actually going pretty good now. If you'd like to know more details you'll have to call me. This thing is too public to discuss things of real personal nature. Or discover where I keep my super secret blog. Hint: You won't find it.

I've also been requested to dig out some of my old writings. All the things I used to write when I thought I could write. (The drogas had a lot to do with that.) I'll see what kind of drivel I used to write, and compare it to the drivel that I write now. At least my punctuation has gotten better. I finally know what a comma is. But I don't know how to use them right yet.

Oh yeah, I guess Iggy Pop is clean now. Never saw that one coming. I could have sworn he would have been the American version of Shane McGowan.


Two of the craziest fuckers on the planet. But, hella talented.

By the way, anyone who hasn't, check out Her Space Holiday. Manic Expressive is a brilliant album.

FIN

Thanks V.

I effin did it.

Come fall I will be college bound again.

I've just submitted all my stuff to transfer from IUSB to IUPUI. So come fall time, I'll be the old guy in school. I'm actually rather stoked. I think this is what I should have been doing the last few years when I felt my brain was turning to mush.

I'm just not looking forward to retaking any classes. I really hope I don't have to.

Oh well. I'm going to bed with a smile on my face for a change.

FIN

Time.

It's time for me to re-evaluate what direction I want my life to be taking. I see right now that I'm still trying to be that same kid I was 5 years ago. The only thing that has changed is that I drink good beer now instead of cheap stuff.

I can't continue to live the way I have been. I'm constantly just looking for that next good time. I go through the motions every week just to get to the weekend, of which I do nothing redeeming at all. What little extra income I have I tend to blow on going on partying every week. If I truly want to grow up and become an adult I suppose I have to change that. The only problem is, that is pretty much my only social experiences of the week. Otherwise I'd just be a hermit. Seriously.

Also over the past weekend, I apparently made a friend of mine really mad. Something was said to someone that should not have been. I'm pretty sure I didn't make the comment, but generally when somethings goes wrong in my immediate area, it's usually my fault. Now I know when I was told the story, it was in confidence. I know I wouldn't have said anything about it. But again, when something is wrong near me, it's usually my fault. If not, I'll take the blame anyway. Funny thing is though, I do remember story being told not by me later in the night to someone else. It started a good twenty minute conversation on the subject. I feel terrible, as someones trust in me is totally destroyed.

I'm also starting to think that moving back to the city may have been a mistake. Granted the past year has been great for me on a personal level. I've got my confidence back (it's been missing since high school) and I'm starting to get financially stable. I just see my life not getting much better than what it is. I don't feel like there is a challenge for me in what I'm doing right now, on any level. I don't see things changing at all. I used to fear change, but now I welcome it. It keeps things from getting boring. Am I finally starting to become an adult? Should I think about maybe transferring my job and starting a new challenge somewhere else? Should I try and go back to school and finish up my degree? So much shit to think about.

Sorry for the depressing post. I needed to get that stuff out. I promise the next one will be full of poo jokes and the fourth grade humor you have come to expect from me.

FIN

Hometown Lovins'

The last five days I was back in my old hometown. I forgot how bad it can really be there. Upon entering the town, I see multiple signs like this artists rendition below. (Sorry, I didn't have time to snap a picture)













Please not the creative spelling of "tonite." It was done on a three foot by four foot board in red and black spray paint. I thought to myself, "Wow, Elkhart is really stepping up the world." That thought was quickly replaced by shame.

A few minutes after that, I see this----



Wow. CJ's tree service has their own Monster Truck. This sat at the gas station for the duration of my trip. I was amazed. Monster Trucks and Pro Wrestling. Not to mention the multiple mullets, ponytails and general jack-assery that I witnessed at a dance club. Jack-assery being myself.

As a last side note, while I was driving down Main St. in Elkhart, I realized something crazy. The city's only gay bar, quaintly known as 'The Closet Club' is smack next door to the local area Republican Party Headquarters. Now you just can't make that stuff up.


Oh Elkhart, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways......

FIN