It's a new.....something.....

Here is my list of things that I wanted to accomplish in 2005. This was from a post on 12/31/2004.

1. Eat more.
2. Quit my horrible soul sucking job.
3. Move out. (kidding)
4. Quit being the fucking pansy that I am. I don't want to be scared of anything.
5. Communicate more.
6. Quit being the fucking pessimistic bastard that I am. Good things may happen. Just not for me.
7. Make a zillion dollars.
8. Buy a Ferrari just to crash it.
9. Finally learn that horribly shitty news years song that everyone sings at midnight.
10. Find a hobby that doesn't involve masturbating profusely.
11. Get some new shoes.
12. Get my eyeballs zapped by that new fangled laser shit.
13. Star in a movie, porn or otherwise.
14. Quit chewing my nails until they fucking bleed.
15. Start running. For no apparent reason.
16. Get my motorcycle running. Go Triumph.
17. Break my record of 27 beers and half a fifth or rum in one night. (Without being hangover)
18. Learn to do the hippy-hippy shake.
19. Finally beat that damn Star Wars video game.
20. Learn to digest rocks, glass, and any other weird shit people bet me I won't eat.
21. Break my record of 22 pennies up my nose. (Without using pliers to get far ones out)
22. Learn how to talk with a ridiculous foreign accent. Hillbilly southern doesn't count.
23. Have the world know that I am indeed the coolest person on the planet.
24. Get arrested again.
25. Write a best selling book about absolutely nothing.
26. Learn to juggle knives and midgets. Or midgets holding knives. I'm still planning the details on this one.
27. Learn all the cool teeny-bopper online chat shortcuts for words.
28. Grow a huge ass nose hair. Have the afore midgets climb it. Charge people to watch.
29. Develop a secret formula for making people disappear. And never reappear.

That's all. Damn I couldn't even think of 30.

So what did I actually accomplish?

#1. Eat more.....Well I'm still alive. I guess that counts.
#2. Quit job. I did do that, but found a equally crappy one.
#3. Well this one was a joke. Ha.
#4. Not being a pansy? Well I have been able to do things that I couldn't do before. 50% done.
#5. I've been communicating better.
#6. Am I still a pessimst? Yes, but not quite as bad.
#7. Zillion dollars? I made a couple pennies. 2% done.
#8. Ferrari? No. Ford Focus? Yes.
#9. I still don't know that crappy song. And I don't care.
#10. New hobby? Drinking. Lots of it.
#11. I still haven't bought any shoes in almost two years.
#12. Laser eye-ball surgery? Nope.
#13. Am I a movie star? Only in my eyes.
#14. Nail biter? Pillow biter is more accurate.
#15. I still don't understand running. It's dumb. That's why God made cars.
#16. I still don't have my motorcycle running. I forgot what it looks like.
#17. I have broke a drinking record. But the hangover was still there. 50% Done.
#18. I fucking hate hippies.
#19. I have given up on Star Wars games. They are all impossible.
#20. I have eaten some weird shit. But I think I yakked it back up.
#21. The only thing that has gone in my nose is my finger.
#22. Have you met Habib? If not, I'll introduce you.
#23. I think the world knows I am the coolest.
#24. Didn't spend the night in jail. This year anyway.
#25. I read a book about nothing.
#26. Have you seen my circus sideshow?
#27. Fuck teeny-boppers.
#28. I did have a nosehair. It's my belt now.
#29. My formula? My gas after a night of PBR. Works like a charm.

So you can see, 2005 was a year of great nothingness.

Welcome 2006. Your ass is mine.

FIN