So I haven't posted in a while

There really isn't much too report on the Bryan homefront. Let's see, I guess I'll just make up a story that will, at the least entertain someone.

So I woke up the other morning. There were birds chirping outside my window, and a little ray of sunshine was illuminating my face. I wake up and find that the sun had burned what looked like a map on my face. Strange huh? You bet. So I go back in the bathroom to see if I can decipher the map on my face. After realizing that I'm looking at it backwards I finally am able to see that it is indeed a treasure map. Complete with the ol, "X marks the spot." So I gear up with some torches, whip and a hat that I thought looked like Indiana Jones's hat, but in all reality (or not) it was an ordinary baseball cap. So I'm off to search the catacombs (sewers) of Elkhart. I find the entrance on the map and search it out with urgency. I have to find the treasure before anyone sees that I have a map on my face. I completely forgot to cover my face (go figure). I finally find the entrance behind Grandma's House of Pancakes. With sweat pouring from my face, I lift off the cover to the sewer-catacombs. I really wished I wouldn't have run to Grandma's since it is pretty far from my house. I light my torch, and jump in. Really stupid move.

I finally land, halfway on my face and halfway on my feet (yes it is possible if you're as flexible as I am). I grabbed my torch and starting looking around, and wondering why didn't I just bring a flashlight, instead of a moronic torch. Well the tunnel only goes in one direction, so I'm off, obviously in that direction. After what seemed like and eternity (45 seconds), I come to a large room, that seems to be glowing a gold color. I was so excited, as I thought I'd just found the treasure. Nope. You remember in that flick "Pulp Fiction" how they have that mysterious briefcase that glows, but you can't figure out why? Well that's how this room was. It was glowing, but for no apparent reason. But thanks to the glow, I see a door in the corner. It says, "No admittance." I told it to shut the hell up, and entered.

As I slowly open the door, I can tell I am not alone in the room. Mark McGwire, the home run hitting-steroid injecting baseball player is there. He's even wearing his old Oakland A's uniform. I say to him, "Wow, Mark McGwire are you the treasure on the map?" He gives me a strange look, and says, "No. But I am here to lead you on the path to enlightenment." I told him I don't want to be enlightened, just rich. He then grabs a baseball bat, toots into it like a horn and thick fog envelops the room. I soon realize that it is not fog, but poison gas. I start to nod off, wondering why I didn't just kick Mr. McGwire in the nuts when I had a chance.

As I come to, I see that I am not in the sewer anymore. I appear to sitting in a chair (chair? sit? now that's CRAZY!). I get up and smack my head in the ceiling. It is then I realize I'm in an elves house. Not just any elfin home, but none other than the Keebler elves. I start to wonder if the treasure is cookies, but think that they must have some gold. After all, if elves don't have gold who does? Certainly not the idiotic leprechauns. I'm sure by this day and age, the elves have whomped the asses of all the leprechauns and stole their gold. I'm getting excited now.

In comes the head elf, accompanied my none other, than Dink- The Last Dinosaur. (If you're wondering how Dink can fit in a elfin house, can't you see by now, that none of this makes any sense? Physics don't apply in this story, unless I want them to.) The older elf, we'll call him Pappy for short, comes up to me and starts lecturing me on the evils of treasure. I tell him to fuck off, and then I say, "Where's my gold bitch?" Not even a second after I say that, Dink is all over me. Biting and clawing, and basically handing my ass to me. I pull out a gun (that I didn't have until just now, when I needed it) and smoked Dink's ass. I ask Pappy again, "Where's my gold bitch?" The little bastard then comes running out with a huge basket full of gold coins. I grab one and realize that it's that damn candy that is chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. Man I hate that shit. So I cap Pappy and escape the elfin home, and set off to find my gold.

Long story short, after a few more adventures involving ice skaters, and werewolves & others, I finally get my gold. If my readers want I'll fill you in those, but my hands hurt from typing now.