Time for a long one.......

I don't expect you read all the crap I'm about to write down. It's going to be long.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I need a break from Elkhart. It's been a month or so since I've been able to get away and Chicago sounds like fun. It'll be nice to see Musi again. I haven't seen him in a few years. He's one of those people that you're not exactly as close as you were with, but still know that he'll be there for anything you need. That and he's one of the coolest cats I have ever met. Now that I think about it, it's been probably four years since I have seen him. We had a lot of good times back in the day. We were one of the few people that really had the establishment against us. Especially when we challenged the mayor to a boxing match. The eyes were on us for a while.

I do realize now that I have a good core group of friends right now. If you would have asked me a year and a half ago what I'd be doing, I would never have guessed where I'm at right now. In a way it is kind of sad, as I haven't achieved anything that I wanted to do, but on the other hand, where I'm at in life right now is pretty damn good (as far a social things go). Personally and professionally leave some things to be desired but that comes up in the few paragraphs. I'm starting to feel pretty confident with the people I'm around and lately haven't been too shy about sharing things. We were talking about some of the embarassing things we have done the other day and I wasn't too ashamed to bring up some of the stupid ass things I did down in Indy. If I could take back some of the things from down there I would, but hey if you don't have any regrets, have you really lived? I can say I've done a lot of crazy shit, but the only person I ever hurt by it was me. So it's not like I'm an evil person, but I'm not that good.

My job is hell. OK so some of you know I walked out a while back. I thought that maybe things would be more tolerable for the short amount of time that I would stay here, but that hasn't been the case. So a while back I brought up some things that made total sense to change but I was told flat out no. OK. No big deal. Maybe management knew more than I did. OK. So the other day a memo goes out and now they are doing all the changes I proposed a few months back. What the hell is up with that?? These are changes that directly affect me and my department and I was not even asked to help contribute even though they were my ideas. I chalked it up to me already giving my notice and them not wanting to involve a "short-timer". So it comes out then after my repeated bitching and moaning that these changes have pretty much been in the planning for a couple months. Before I gave my notice. My job was basically going to be eliminated, and that was planned before I gave my notice. Why the hell wasn't I involved in this?? And they wondered why I hate this place. It's bullshit like this (all the sneaky shit they pull) that gets to me. I told them this place is fatally flawed. And they wondered what that meant. This whole situation is a fatal flaw. Jerks.

My little bouts with depression have been getting better. I haven't had one since the last little one I wrote about. I guess that was last week. OK, well it's been a week since I've had one. That's pretty good for me. I don't feel like another is on it's way. I can usually sense when one is going to happen a day or so before it does. I think having something to look forward to helps. This weekend will be nice.

As far as getting a place to live goes, I don't know. I don't think I'd be a good roomate or housemate or whatever. I'm horrible with managing my money. Even if a place opens up at the end of the month I don't think I'll be able to affordto move. This sucks hardcore. I have to out of where I'm at and I can't afford to move out. Looks like I'll be sleeping in my car for little while. And to top it all off, I won't have a job when I have to move. Not a good point to be at right now. If can make all the money I hope to on my junk I'm selling on ebay I'll be fine. I'm just in a hole and once I get out I'll be ok. It just sucks when there's all these things I need to do, and money is keeping me from doing it. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate to disappoint my friends but it's better to disappoint now then to fail in the future. I guess I'll sit down tonight and figure some things out. I actually probably shouldn't go out of town this weekend, but I really need the break. If all else fails I can just sell my mopeds and get some cash that way. Even though that would totally suck.

Someone asked me the other day why I'm into the whole moped thing. Being in the Moped Army has allowed me to do some really cool shit. Why else would I drive across the country and see and experience things that I normally would not have done? Doing the moped thing has allowed me to travel all over the country and meet some really cool people. I also gone out and raced, which is something that I never dreamed I'd ever do. It's helped me and my dad talk, since I was always kind of a disappointment since I never got into cars and other gearhead junk. Actually having a knowledge of engines has at least given him and I something to talk about. It's been pretty cool.

Well that's all I can think of for now. I'll fill you in on the weekend on Tuesday.