Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'intrate

Lyudmila Project part route 66

2009-05-02T02:10:00.004-04:00

Missed anything? Get caught up. Part one starts here

Well friends, here is another installment. I received two letters from the lovely Lyudmila, and take note on the first message here the name that was signed at the end. I must confess, I did not write this e-mail response. Wifey has a guest role as columnist for this installment.

Hello my dearest Bryan !
I want to say to you that as usual and usual, I'm happy so much from
your answer on my last e-mail my Bryan !!! I think about you my
Bryan all days. I so wait for your warm messages for me Bryan , I
want to say to you that now I cann't without you and your so feelings
emails my Bryan . You e-mails are so important for me, it are a part
of my life, it are a source of my pleasure to my life, I want to say
to you that the occurrence of you Bryan is a beterest part of my life now, your
messages give me a great happiness and pleasure
in my life Bryan . Believe me Bryan , that I speak this my words
with my sincere care to you Bryan , with my respect for you
Bryan .
In last night I didn't sleep well, I couldn't do it because I thought
about us , about our acquaintance on Internet, about your
warm messages, and in basically about you !
I wish to inform you very important news! I have finished work for my American
client. He has estimated my work and has given approval.
He has told, that I have very well carried out this project. My client will send
payment during next 10 days.
I CAN VISIT THE USA VERY SOON!

All my warmth kisses,
Warmth hugs,
Your lady,
Anastasiya.

Here is the second e-mail from her. Which was sent 32 seconds after the first.

Hello my love Bryan !!! My dear Bryan I is very glad to see your letter.
I to think, that you to cheer up me the letters. My dear Bryan I is always
very glad to read your letter. My lovely Bryan I very much to love your
letters. Dear Bryan , I very much to
love it in you. I to think, that you to have very many qualities of
soul which I very much to respect in you and to like. My dear Bryan I to
think, that I to not doubt, that I with you shall be a success. I to
think, that I am sure, that when we with you shall have a meeting we
shall be lucky enough precisely and a lot of love. I to think, that we
with you shall be the happiest pair on light. I so to think, because I
to love you! I as am sure, that you to love me! My dear Bryan I completely
to trust you. I to think, that you that person which I to search for
all life. I to think, that you are ideal to approach me. I to think,
that we are created the friend for the friend. My dear I very much to
require you. I am very strong to love you! I want to speak you, that I
to love you with very big force!!! I love you Bryan !!!! Yours Lyudmila .

Now here is the response by wifey

Lyudmila-

I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN. I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SKIN.

Love always,

Bryan

CHECKMATE.

The Lyudmila Project part one less than six

2009-04-25T04:05:00.007-04:00

Part four is here
Greetings fellow fans. So in the last couple days, I received two whole letters from the lovely Lyudmila. They both kind of threw me for a loop, so that's why it's taken a couple extra days. Her e-mails made my previous letters to her seem entirely normal. Well kind of. Here's the first.

Hi dearest Bryan !
I have gotten your answer as usual, and I was so happy from your words
again! Bryan , I want to say to you that your messages became an
important part of me and my life.

Dear Bryan , also my friends are asking me about you
very much all time :) I tell them that you are very good man, also I
want to say to you that some my girlfriends envy me slightly because I
found so good man as you by the Internet. But I don't address on their
envy of any my attention. Also they see that we have a good relation with you
and they wish us that we will together soon and that I will come to you
in Amerika
I want to say to you, Bryan , that I will think about you more and more, possible, about
my coming to you Bryan , I feel that our relations are more than
friendship, realy Bryan ??? I feel it by my heart and soul, because I
can't without your e-mails now. Well, on this I'm finishing my message
to you. I'm waiting for your e-mails as soon, as possible!!

Well is wasn't so much the e-mail was weird, but the pictures that were attached are little weird. Well imagine my surprise when I get this e-mail.

Dear Bryan !!!!!!!!
I want to have with you sexual night. My lovely Bryan I to think,
that in first night with you I shall caress gently you. I
shall caress long you what you to be raised. I to think,
that I shall iron and many times to kiss your naked body.
I to think, that I shall not leave on your body not one
dry place. I to think, that I shall kiss very many time.
My lovely Bryan then I shall as undress up to naked. I to think,
that in the beginning I shall approach only to you and again
to raise you. My dear Bryan then we shall have with you the biggest
love. I to think, that we shall have with you sex within all night.
I to think, that I very much to want it. I very much to dream of
it my lovely prince. You to want it? I also send you a photo of my parents.
My dear Bryan I want to ask you, what you to write to me, how you to imagine ours with you the first
night? I to think, that it is very interesting to me. My lovely Bryan I
very much to love you! I want to carry out with you all night of
my life. I to think, that only with you I shall have the happy future.
I very much to love you! I love you Bryan !
I to love only you one! Lyudmila .

Without further ado, here's what went back. It's a little departure from what I normally write, but it is what it is. Thanks to wifey for the idea.
Dearest Lyudmila-

It is lovely to hear from you again. I first must apologize for the delay in me writing you back. This bloody civil war has taken a lot out of me. This bloody war that pits father against son, mother against daughter, dog against cat, and toad versus frog.

I must say it is with great regret that I write this letter. I'm afraid I've been stricken with consumption and ricketts. I fear the end is nigh for my life, as I will be meeting the great maker above in the coming moons.

Forgive me my dear as I pen this note of affection, I have been stricken with a fever. In my state, I fear I shall be a right target for Old Johnny Rebel. Alas my dear, this war shall be the undoing of our love. Oh, the pain and sorrow. The nights I toss and turn for the majesty of what could become as we near the year of our lord, 1863.

My dear, please trust in me that I shall fight this cholera and be strong for the rest of our lives in the time of man's greatest triumphs.

My dear, I overheard my superior officer, General Disarray, speaking to one Private Parts, about this wonderful new invention called "the Ear Talking Machine". Doesn't that sound wonderful? To think one day we shall be able to speak to one another through machines. Oh the merriment! Think what more wonderful inventions may be coming. Oh the merriment.

Please now, I must be off. The grippa is starting to make me weak. I wish you all the best in your life. I shall be with the maker soon. Please do not weep. That is not pleasant for me to stomach. I shall miss you.

Forever in eternal sleep.

Sgt. "Bryan" Slaughter

Seriously running out of ideas now.

part six is here

Lyudmila, Part 44444444

2009-04-21T02:41:00.008-04:00

(In case you missed it, parts one-three are here)

Once again dear folks is a letter from Lyudmila. Look for the part where she talks about where her bar is. Priceless.

Hello, Bryan ! How are you doing? I'm doing fine!
Thank you for your answer on my last e-mail so much, Bryan . In my
opinion, it's so wonderfully, that we are writing to each other,
because from our messages we learn about each other more and more,
really, Bryan ? I'm interested in our correspondence very much, it's
very interesting to learn about you, about your life in your country,
believe me, as a whole, I read your letters with a huge pleasure!
Ok, Bryan , I hope that it will be interesting for you to learn
about my enthusiasmes, my favourite things as a whole:)
By the way, my parents and friends ask about you all time:) Especially
my parents, I have told to my parents, that you are decent and good
man, my parents are very pleased to our сorrespondence on the Internet
and our relations, Bryan . My parents wish to us a good relations in
the future, and it's possible, in the future, if we will be together
in your country, they would want that we will be a magnificent pair
too:) But remember, Bryan ! We should learn each other ever more and
more! Really.? It's very important for me, Bryan ! The fact in
that, if you know, that on the statistics, majority of a pairs are
separated because they knew each other not enough, and I don't want to
do a mistake at once, I hope that you will can to understand me,
Bryan , really? As I spoke you earlier, we must to learn about each
other more and more from our e-mails.
By the way I want to say to you that believe in God very much, I
believe in Jesus, I am a Christian woman as I said you earlier. I like
to go to Church( Russian Ortodox), it's not far from our bar too. Our
City's Church is a very beautiful place, there is a lot of an
beautiful icons too, I like this. The priests sing beautiful songs and
I like it very much.
I so want to hear your
voice, it will important for me to hear your voice, Bryan . On this
note, I will finish my e-mail to you. Please, answer me soon, ok,
Bryan ? I will wait for your messages, Bryan .
Sincerely, your dear friend, Lyudmila

And since you wanted it, here's what went back

Dearest Lyudmila-

It's is very wonderful to hear from you again. I have so much interesting things to tell you.

So the other day while cleaning out my Uncle Ron's swine farm, I came across the most wonderful thing. It's a glorious teddy bear named Petey. Him and I started to talk and he told me he can travel through time! Isn't that amazing? We went back and saw the Gettysburg Constitution being signed. That was cool. If you don't know what that is, that is when Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire saved the United States from an attack from Canada. We then saw MTV launched. That's when the US sent up a magical rocketship into space that fixed poverty in all forms for all the world.

I too wanted to update on the progress of your hero costume and the Bry-cycle. Both are coming along swimmingly. Of course you can't swim in them, but that means they are going well. I'm very happy to have a new partner-in-fighting-crime. I will teach you to kill.

Also you say in your message you want to hear my voice. Since I don't have your phone number I must describe it to you. Have you ever heard a bear growl? Think of that noise and then imagine what a teenage girl sounds like when she is being being eaten by that bear. The noise the girl makes is how my voice sounds. My mother says it's very pretty.

And then yesterday, when I was out trying to catch a greased piggy, my very slow cousin from Mongolia came over. He was dressed like Napoleon for some reason. Mongoloids. Can't figure them out at all. Anyway I was telling him about you and he pretty much dropped trou on the spot. Now I don't know if you've ever seen a Mongolian drop trou, but it's pretty crazy. He then all of the sudden started screaming, "LBJ was wrong! Have you seen the soil outside of Des Moines Iowa? He ruined it! Mickey ruined it!!" No idea what that was about, but it was pretty awesome. I love my family. I know you will too.

Well I must be off, as tomorrow I will bring home more high class american dollars for us to spend when you come.

Bryan (da one who loves da taint)

Well what's next? I'm thinking this is close to the end. We'll see what happens next.

FIN

On to part five.

The Lyudmila Project part Tres

2009-04-19T04:08:00.011-04:00

Part one is here

Part two is here

Once again "Lyudmila" sent me another e-mail.

Hi my friend Bryan !
I'm glad so much to receive your answer again! It's very interesting
for me to read your messages, from them we are learning more about
ourself, and I begin know more about you, Bryan .
My dearest friend Bryan, I would like to tell you about my family. I
want to say to you that I have a large family too. This are my mom
Marina, my daddy Pavel too. Also I have two sisters. They are Katya and
Masha. My sister Katya is 21 years old. But Masha is smaller sister
between me and Katya too, Masha is 10 years old.
On professions my mom is a seller in the shop, and my dad is an
engineer on the factory. My sister Katya is a student of the
university, she is studing on the lawyer, and Masha is a schoolgirl.
Our family are living without any conflicts too, we have a good
understanding between our members of our family. Because, I think that
our parents gave to us a good education. I think that it's so good and
I'm so proud that we have my mom and my daddy.
And still, I wish to tell you good news: have almost finished my work for my American
client. I very much love my work and I spend for it 10-12 hours a day.
In my free time, we are with my girlfriends. I like my girlfriends very
much, and what do you do in free from work time? Well, I must to finish
my sholt e-mail to you Because I should work now, I hope that we will
continue to correspond with each other and you will tell me much more
about yourself, and I will try to tell about myself as more as possible
in future e-mails. I want to ask you about more things,
. I hope to see your
message soon. Bye-bye...

And well here's my response. Not as good as the previous two but, everyone goes through a slump.

My beautiful Lyudmila-

How nice to hear from you again. I was thinking of you the other day and you inspired me to write a poem:

I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle , here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out!

I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can change my handle to my spout
Just tip me over and pour me out.

I hope that makes you happy. It gives me excitement in the loinal area. I love teabags and all that stuff. There's nothing I like better than sucking on a freshly dipped bag.

Well to get back to real life, I suppose since we are friends and all I should fill you in on my life over the last couple days.

Well yesterday at work this "guy" named Smitty called my mama a whore. Now where I grew up in L.A. you don't tolerate your mama jokes. That's shit ain't cool. So I took a swing at the guy. After he dodged and laughed at me, I vowed sweet sweet revenge on that dirty son of a bitch. So I followed him home which wasn't easy since I have to ride a bike (the Bry-cycle) due to this previous B.S. state appointed bullshit, and then stalked the shit outta him. As soon as he went to bed, I grabbed a paper bag, filled it with dog shit and lit that mother on fire. I ran out of there and rode the Bry-cycle home. Upon returning, I realized I forgot to ring his doorbell, so it was all for naught. He'll get his goddamn come-uppance soon though.

I'm sitting here now eating a pickle. Pickles are so nice. Do you like pickles? I can eat them all the time. I'm so glad I calmed down. A few minutes ago I was all in a rage and was getting very angry. Isn't a funny how a normal person like me can go from blinding rage to extreme happiness in a couple seconds? Makes me glad I'm alive. My doctor says I need some pills to fix that, but why fix something that is really awesome? I'm glad when I punch a person blind and then have feelings I call my "inner puppy dog and kitty cat cuddle bumpkin lover time." It makes everything that much better.

Have you ever seen that movie with John Wayne in it? You know that one where he says over and over "Make fuck, toe suck?" That guy was so cool. I wish he were here to help train me and take out Mom and Pops. Those baboon boners. That movie is my all time favorite. What is your favorite? Puppies or kittens?

I'm thinking of buying a pony with my new money (high class american dollars). I will name it for you.

I must be off now. Time to rub one out while thinking of the Duke.

Deliciously yours-

B-extra-dressing-please-ryan

On to part four

The Lyudmila Project Part II (that's 2)

2009-04-17T18:57:00.012-04:00

(You can find part 1 here)

So I got another e-mail from the always awesome Lyudmila.

Hi Bryan! First of all - Thank you! I am very glad that you have
decided to answer. I had big hope that you will answer me, but I
hadn't big belief that it will happen. Therefore thank you. Bryan, I
hope I write my thoughts clearly. Please, if I write with mistakes, do
not be angry with me. English language is my second language and
though I adore this language, I nevertheless do not know it ideally. I
wanted to tell so many things, but now I sit and I do not know what to
tell. I am simply glad. I know that I simply should tell more about
me, about my character, about my interests as I promised. And I really
hope that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I really hope
that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be
interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. I am very glad
that I began to study English language because it has opened for me
the broadest world of the finest music and poetry because all greatest
singers and bands are English-speaking. My unconditional favorites -
Roger Waters and David Gilmore. I very much like Mark Knopfler, Queen,
Witney Houston, Roxette, Sting and many other singers, including
Russian, but I think, their names for you will be not the most
familiar (smile). I like classical music. And of course I like movie.
American movie outside of any doubts - the greatest. Castaway, Pretty
Woman, Dragonfly, the Scent of a Woman, Stepmother, K-PAX are some my
favorites. I very like the American culture and is very glad, that I
can visit the USA soon. Now I have all necessary for this purpose. BUT
now I should finish work for my client. This client lives in the USA.
Now I project design for this client. This is very difficult work .
This project is estimated in 3000 USD. When I will finish it, my
client will send me payment. I will use this money for travel to the
USA. Bryan, can I ask you, what are you looking for in a woman? And are
you looking for a soul-mate? How many times you already tried to find
a friend or soul-mate in such way? And how many friends you have on
the Internet? (I think in the greater degree I ask about women
(smile)). Do you love your family Bryan? How often you meet your
family? Forgive me please if I have asked something personal. With
sincere pleasure and gratitude for your letter. Lyudmila.

So of course I again had to make up some bat-shit insane letter to send back. here it is:

Hello-

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. It's been a rough week or so. My douchebag next door neighbor called the cops on me for being too loud and then when the cops got here I took a swing at one and got busted. It's been a crazy week in out of the US legal system. I'm back home now ready to resume my career as a costumed hero.

I didn't mention that? Yeah I patrol the streets of my city in tights and a big old cape protecting the innocent from the ravages of the suburbs. Yesterday I helped get a kitten out of a tree with my laser gun. I can't figure why the little boy was crying so much. I mean I just barely hit the cat with the laser, and he got it back. He didn't ask to get it down alive. People need to be more direct sometimes.

In other news, my spanish uncle Ron, who I mentioned before, died the other day. It's sad but at least I get his hog farm. I'm gonna sell that jibbly and make a mint. It'll be pretty sweet. I probably use that dough to build my new hero car. I think I'll name it Bry-cycle, even though it technically be a car, but it's cool nonetheless.

So how is your trip planning coming? Are you still coming to the US to visit soon. It would be cool if you came, cause I could get a costume for you and you could be my new sidekick. I'd have to to put the seat back in the Bry-cycle, but that's no big deal. I'll just rip it off from my boner of a neighbor.

Please write back soon as I can't wait much longer. My loins are dripping.

Sweet baby Bryan

Now we wait for her to ask for dough to come to the US. I'm not stopping until I get them on the phone.

FIN

On to part three

The Lyudmila Project

2009-04-07T03:47:00.006-04:00

About a week or so ago I received and e-mail from a Russian Girl named Lyudmila. Here's the e-mail:

from LYUDMILA
to bozoskeleton@gmail.com
date Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 9:33 PM
subject I wait from you for the letter.

Hello! Whether I do not know you received my message therefore to you
has decided to write once again.
My name is - Lyudmila. I want to get acquainted with you closer. If you
not against to get acquainted that write to me. I shall wait for your
letter. I can send a lot of photo also. I to you can tell also that I am
single I have no any children. To me of 29 years. I go in for sports. I
shall wait from you for the letter. For early you I thank. Lyudmila.

Not being one that is easily fooled I replied back like any good old red-blooded American can with:

from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 12:02 AM
subject Re: I wait from you for the letter.

Lyudmila-

Yes I would like to know more about you. You have no kids? That is great. I am tall and single with an overly aggressive sexual drive. I am a full blown alcoholic and like to get drunk and pick fights with strangers. Only strangers, as I would never fight with a pretty girl like yourself. Please tell me how I can know more about you. Where do you live? I live in a house. Do you like animals? I have some.

Yours truly-

Bryan

Imagine my surprise when I get a message back from her a couple days later and the grammar has drastically improved:

from LYUDMILA
to Bryan
date Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 8:47 PM
subject Hi !!!!

Hi Bryan!
How are you? Probably, if you have guessed, this is Lyuda :) I'm very
glad to get your answer ! my full name Lyudmila
First of all, please let me apologize for the delay in my response to
you, , but I was busy in last time. I'm happy so much that you
have written me, believe me !
Also, I'm hoping that my e-mail was so big surprise for you too,
really? For First, If you want that i can tell you about me more.
I was born in Russia, Moscow and now I live at my own flat.
I'm planning to visit the USA in few weeks. I'm 29.
Now I'm keen on web design. I started with making sites for acquaintances and friends,
but now I'm making sites for clients in different countries.As for my interests,
I like Alpine skiing and driving! I adore high speed!!!! I have good salary.
It's approximately $600 per month. All money earned I spend for myself.
I don't like to limit my desires=), that's why I spend my money for new clothes and jewelry=))).
I won't tell you much about myself, coz I'm planning to visit the USA in next 3 month.
Now I have my visa and reserved tickets to the USA.
Maybe, you will ask: "Why have you written me? Why are you talking about it???"=)))
I will answer this question. So there are two reasons I wrote you. I have seen many profiles.
I suppose there were 100 profiles!!! I have chosen you, you seemed to
be very interesting man for me. And I would like to spend my holiday in
the USA with you. I'm afraid, nothing will come true,
coz we have never seen each other. And maybe I was mistaken, when I had
chosen you. But anyway... So I will arrive in the USA in 15 days, and
after that I will return to Moscow. But for first we should learn each
other better. You agree with me? Also I want to say to you that I have
learned the English Language when I have studied in the university, I can speak English
without any problems, I think so... But I can see that I'm making many
orthographic mistakes, I think so, I hope that you'll can to
understand my English without any problems?
Wowww, I have written so much! I didn't think that I can to write
about myself so much, really. Probably, I'm finishing my e-mail to
you. , I'll be grateful so much, if you'll write me about
yourself so much, as I did it. I would like, if you'll tell me, for
example, about your family, is your family large? About your city
where are you living, I have never been in other countries and in USA
too, and I'll be glad to know about your country. Ok, let me to finish
my e-mail, I hope to see your answer soon! I'm attaching my photo, I
hope you will find my photo good. Ok, good bye, , hoping to
see your message soon!
Take care,
Sincerely,
Your new russian friend,
Lyudmila.

So me being the ass I am send back more:

from Bryan
to LYUDMILA
date Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 3:46 AM
subject Re: Hi !!!!

Lyuda-

Oh, how lovely to hear from you again. I was very excited to see your e-mail. I guess you'd like to know more about me. Let's see. I was born in a logging camp in the hills of Montana. When I was three years old, my parents traded me for a cold frosty case of Coors and was then sent to Indiana to be raised by a pack of feral baboons that escaped from the zoo. My new mom's name is "Grrrrrggghhhh" and my father is "Fap, fap, fap." Thanks to my dad, I'm really good at catching things, as he threw what he called presents at my head, but I called it baboon shit.

After I graduated school I went to work on my Uncle Ron's swine farm. I'll never forget what he said to me one day, "Bryan, libera mi lengua, tu puta psicotica y bestial." My uncle was a Spanish man, and a bit weird. Not sure what he meant by that, but it stuck with me. I've even had that put on shirts. The Puerto Ricans I work with look at me funny, but that's OK, as I'm a closet racist and don't care what they think.

Then last year I moved to Washington D.C. My new job allowed me in my free time to keep up on my hobby of sticking my dong in things that it doesn't really belong in. Gloryhole has become my new middle name.

I guess that sums it up about me. I mean, I have no kids, even though the court says I do, but I say those chicks are slutty and I didn't make their babies. It was some other dude. DNA don't mean shit in the hood.

Can't wait to hear back from you,

Bryan

Check. The next move is yours scammers.

FIN

On to part two

Whoops.

2009-02-25T02:24:00.001-05:00

I guess I forgot about this thing.

Sorry Folks.

The battle is over

2008-10-28T23:55:00.002-04:00

Well I've finally got cable back. No thanks to anybody at Comcast. I'm just super pissed that I basically went a week with no cable. Once we move in February we won't be using Comcast anymore. I hear that new thing Verizon has is pretty sweet.

Anyway I had to take a second box back to Comcast (actually the wife did it) and she spent another hour with a CSR at Comcast trying to get the new one to work. It does work finally and we can now watch TV.

I really hope we don't have to deal with them again.

Battle with Comcast part 2

2008-10-25T00:34:00.007-04:00

(This is an update to yesterday's post located here.)

Well this morning I try and get my DVR to work. Guess what? The box won't do anything now. I am getting really fed up. I've been in touch with customer service seven or eight times now in the last few days. This is getting really old. I've missed two hockey games because of it.

At least though someone from Comcast has contacted through this blog in an attempt to work things out.

**EDIT: Well now it seems that I have either two choices: Take this new DVR box back to Comcast in the morning and basically start all over (which I know will happen) or wait until freaking Tuesday for them send someone out. You figure I'm paying these guys $200 a month for my services. I've had it to here (pointing to my temples). You'd think for the money I'm giving them they would supply me working equipment. Nope. **

Bryan's battle with Comcast Cable.

2008-10-24T02:12:00.003-04:00

I know this is a little out of sorts of what is usually posted, but here goes my 7 month battle with my cable through Comcast.

It all kind of started back in February. I had just got a new job and moved from Indiana to Virginia. Awesome. When I called to have my cable switched over I was told I had to disconnect my service and start new service. Fine, I thought. I'll pay the extra fees to have reconnected. I was then told that I would lose my NHL center ice package which cost around $150 for the full season, but I could re-buy at the discount of half a season for $120 for the next two months. I thought that was ridiculous so I said no. I lost about $50-60 on the package. Refund? Nope.

So I moved and got cable/internet/phone hooked up in Virginia. Well sort of. The boxes were all hooked up, and none of the premium channels I paid for were working, but that has really hard to tell since I was not provided with remote controls for either one of my boxes and I was not given the wireless router I requested.

After getting two seperate trips out by Comcast technicians, I finally had my remotes and got the premium channels on my cable boxes.

Well I get a bill then from Indiana where I had service showing that I was still paying for service for when I was gone. So needless to say I was mad. I call and they show that I had returned my cable box in Indiana two weeks after I moved to Virginia. After a few phone calls I finally had that straightened out my bill fixed.

Fast forward to October. The only blips in that time were having my box pixelate like crazy on some channels and an occasional bad DVR recording.

Well the bad DVR recordings started to get worse. It seemed that almost every other recording was unwatchable. They would freeze, go to black, and stop. OK, fine I thought. DVR is worn out. I'll call and get a new one. I talked to guy through the online chat and he told me I could just take it in and swap it out in the morning. Cool I thought. I asked him is that all I have to do, and he said yes. Knowing what I had to go through in the past with new boxes I was very skeptical, but I thought maybe they had changed.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. I get the new box home and hook it up. Box does nothing. It turns on and that's about it. I had to leave for work and I though when I got home, the box would connect to Comcast and I'd be cool. Nope. Not even close. So I then hop back online and with a guy again get the box activated and knowing what I knew before made sure my premium channels worked. They did not. I got him to fix them and I thought I was set.

Well turns out my new DVR was never activated. I get back online again, with the subject line of my problem "DVR does not appear to be activated." The CSR has me then power cycle my box (which I knew would do nothing, but did it anyway). After messing around with it a little more and after getting really annoyed she pipes back in "Your DVR service is not activated on your box." THAT'S WHAT I SAID IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF THE MESSAGE! So then I find out that I cannot have my DVR service activated until tomorrow. Why was I not told that when I got the box that I would have to go through all this? Or why was this not all set up when I picked up the box?

So tomorrow we will see if I can get my DVR service to work. If not expect another post.

Also-- Comcast here in Northern VA, change the trailers you play in the background of the OnDemand service. It has only been playing the same two for the last month.

FIN

Goals... err lack thereof.

2008-08-08T01:04:00.002-04:00

Is that title even English?

Over the last few years I've always made lists to try and get things done. Most of the time they didn't work, mainly because I was over extending myself and just would run out of time. I've started it again and this time it will work. First I decided that I would only list things that I knew I could get done. I've also given myself a lot longer time to get the things done. I used to try and get everything done in a week. I've bumped that up to two months and even though my new list is way more loftier than my previous ones, it a lot more realistic. I won;t go into the boring details of what is on there, but suffice to say, I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

FIN

Now that's what I call a delay....

2008-07-18T05:28:00.002-04:00

Seeing as how I haven't posted on here in two and a half months, I figure it's time for something.

I'm getting married in October. I guess that's the big news. It's going to happen back home in Indiana, so hopefully most of my friends can make it. I'm actually really stoked about it, but I am maintaining a pretty stoic stance so I don't tarnish my dude cred. There's going to be cocktails and shit afterwards, so a good time should be had by all.

My job has been getting less and less boring over the last couple months. It was real hard at first getting used to doing something that I hadn't done in almost seven years, but it seems to be going good. I used to only "watch TV" for about an hour a day at my previous stations, but doing it for eight straight hours was really rough at first. I'm starting to other things, and that is helping a ton. I know enough about the TV biz to know that I only have a grasp on about 60% percent of what goes on where I work and the other 40% will only come with time there. The little things that nobody can train you on is what I'm trying to pick up day by day.

Michelle and I also got another cat about a month ago. I convinced her to let us name it after my favorite hockey player, so everyone say hello to Pavel Datsyuk Von Doom. His original name was Doctor Doom, so we kept the last part. The nice thing is he made Mean Cat chill out, and life has been a lot more calm.

I've also become obsessed with video games over the last few months. I've bought a Playstation 2, and a couple Nintendo DS's (one for me and Michelle). I'm a huge Guitar Hero fan (I've beaten 1,2,3 on medium) and am waiting to buy a Xbox 360 and then going to kick some Rock Band ass all over the place.

So..... that about sums it up from the nation's capital area. I just hope tomorrow is not another 95+ degree day. That shit stinks. Literally. It smells like garbage sometimes.

FIN

Air guitar baby.

2008-05-09T01:52:00.002-04:00

So I'm trying to get into the air guitar championship in DC. I took the day off and went to register, but it was full. Now I have impress the judges into letting me compete. I have a main song, but need a second. Anybody have any ideas??

FIN

Lonely times.

2008-04-21T04:44:00.003-04:00

It seems that in the last couple weeks here in the sticks of Virginia me and my lady friend have both been hit by a loneliness bug. We're not alone here but we are both lonely.

The only people we see are each other, and I don't think we're getting sick of that, but we need more interaction. I think it's hitting her harder than it is me, which makes me want to change it even more. I'm used to being alone and lonely. She's not.

So here's a plea to some cool people in Va-jay-jay. Let's hang out. It'll rock.

FIN

Action News Update:

2008-04-03T00:32:00.003-04:00

This just in-- I'm still alive.

Things are well here in the suburbs of D.C. My new job is going well as expected (it's actually quite dull at the moment, but hopefully that will change soon.)

Living with Michelle is quite nice, as I'm finally eating like real boy should (frozen pizzas only once a week).

So sorry if anyone still checks in on this. I know the last nine months have had no updates at all, but that's life.

FIN

Off.

2008-02-06T00:38:00.000-05:00

I'm off to Virginia. I just a job with the Discovery channel. I've got two weeks to get moved.

Should be a blast.

FIN

happy.

2007-12-25T01:09:00.000-05:00

I just ate the most wonderful holiday ham.

i love how happy my life is right now. Nuff said.

Radio Bryan

2007-11-20T00:37:00.001-05:00

http://69.219.77.1:8000/listen.pls

I just started my own internet radio station. You can check it out there.

I'm going to maybe start hosting a show on there, but until I learn more about the legalities of streaming copyrighted material, I'll abstain.

I'll keep you updated here with what is going on with it.

FIN

Help the hungry and learn some words.

2007-11-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

I hate bears.

2007-11-04T20:10:00.001-05:00

Well after another great weekend with my lady friend, I'm sitting here by myself. It's not fun.

I've also been forced to quit smoking. My insurance company is making us pay an extra $100 a month if we smoke. Eff that man. So I'm done. I figure tomorrow I'm going to be in a royally foul mood. That's life though.

Eh, I'm out of things to say.

FIN

Camptown races sing that song.

2007-09-17T19:13:00.000-04:00

So last week I went camping with my lovely lady friend. It was awesome. Even though it was cold, rained a lot, and hailed a little, the whole time it was great. There was nobody at the campground (seriously, we were the only ones there), no electricity, and some half smelly outhouses. We were even camped right next to a pretty little river full of salmon.

Here are some pictures.

Our Camp:

Michelle with the maple leaves I put in her ears:

The lovely lake we were close too (but did not know until the last day):

All Quiet on the Midwestern Front.

2007-09-06T19:13:00.000-04:00

Yes, I suck at writing in this thing now. Sorry.

I leave Sunday for four days in the wilderness. I cannot wait.

I hate the fact that if you plan on taking a few days off work (OK, nine) you have to basically work twice as hard as normal just to get ahead so you can leave. It's really stressing me out. I guess that's the way life works.

Anyway, for all the people that I haven't talked to much lately that read this (wait..nobody reads this) I am seeing a treasure of a girl. One little detail about her for you you guys to know, she likes the fact that I can sing "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies. Yes, she's pretty amazing. So is that song.

Other than that, there's not really much new. Except for my shoes. Have you heard that song by Paolo Nutini called "New Shoes"? I'm not sure if it's hit song or not, but everyone should hear it. It's not bad for a twenty year old kid.

That's it folks, whiskey has robbed my of anything else to say at this moment.

FIN

Thank you Mox.

2007-08-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

Dear Mox-

Even though we have a spiteful relationship, I'm going to say I'm pissed at you because of the fact I am 160 miles from you and I'm still finding your hair.

Kisses--

Super B.

I've got mail!

2007-08-13T04:16:00.000-04:00

So I'm sure nobody really reads this crap anymore, but sorry if you are hooked into the Bryan machine and haven't been able to get your fix.

There's still not a lot going on with me.

I'm super stoked to go camping here in the next few weeks. That should be super rad.

And I'm done.

FIN

hee hee

2007-08-03T20:55:00.001-04:00

I am so fucking happy right now.

OK.

2007-07-18T23:23:00.000-04:00

So I usually only update this when things in my life are shit.

The last three weeks or so have been anything but.

So I have nothing to say.

FIN

Best Day Ever.

2007-06-28T08:14:00.000-04:00

The greatest band of all time has gotten back together.

Long live the Verve.

http://www.nme.com/news/the-verve/29261

I'm am so happy.

It seems.

2007-06-24T19:00:00.000-04:00

Something real cool was about to happen. It did not. Anyone shocked??

Not me.

FIN

Help.

2007-06-12T21:03:00.000-04:00

By virtue of not being cool enough evidentially, my page on the Darwin Awards site has been relegated to one of the least popular of the year when it was submitted. Please help me feel better about my blunder and give it a high voting. It would do wonders for my confidence.

http://www.darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-18.html

Thank You.

FIN

Thanks.

2007-05-25T19:14:00.000-04:00

I'm glad I have some people that always get me out of my crap moods. Thanks M. for talking to me last night. You always crack my shit up.

FIN

Shit.

2007-05-23T17:43:00.001-04:00

You know what man? Fuck it all. No matter what I try and do, life just keep kicking me in the ass. So you know what? FUCK IT ALL.

FIN

Just for the record.

2007-05-21T19:59:00.000-04:00

I really don't mean to be a bastard to people. I'm just not a good people person, and I tend to to do things that get interpreted one way when I mean another and well, I get seen as the bastard.

To all I have wronged, I sincerely apologize.

I am going to not let it happen again. Social shutdown mode round three is in effect.

FIN

You know what?

2007-05-18T02:58:00.000-04:00

I'd really like to cook for a dinner party. I just wish I didn't live in a tiny ass little apartment. I cooked for some people the other night, and had a blast. I want to do it for more people. I think I'd be good at it. If anyone can help me out by hosting, I'd really appreciate it. I'll supply the food, and all the other crap, I just need someone to supply the people.

FIN

Shame.

2007-05-18T01:23:00.000-04:00

I have no shame. Seriously. I used to, but now I really don't regret anything, or have a problem doing anything remotely embarrassing. I didn't even realize it until lately. I think I finally became comfortable with myself as who I am, and not who I want people to think I am. In one aspect it's very liberating, but on the other hand, it's very strange. I really don't hold anything back anymore. You ask me something, I don't feed you a line of shit like I used to. Sometimes I don't mention things that may be a bit embarrassing simply due to the fact that I don't feel like dealing with all the questions about it. I may not be in the mood to talk, but if I am, you'll get the full crap out of me.

Case in point, I am now going to make one of my stupid lists of things I do/enjoy and don't really care if the world knows.

Actually you know what? I don't fucking feel like it. Deal.

FIN

Suckage.

2007-05-15T01:35:00.000-04:00

I just love the fact that I suffer through major bouts of insomnia. I slept for more than five hours last night, so that of course means I'll be awake all night tonight. I laid down earlier but just sat there and said, "Fuck it. I got some inter-webbin' to do." I at least wished I live in a house, so I could vacuum.

Blah. Most everything is actually going pretty good now. If you'd like to know more details you'll have to call me. This thing is too public to discuss things of real personal nature. Or discover where I keep my super secret blog. Hint: You won't find it.

I've also been requested to dig out some of my old writings. All the things I used to write when I thought I could write. (The drogas had a lot to do with that.) I'll see what kind of drivel I used to write, and compare it to the drivel that I write now. At least my punctuation has gotten better. I finally know what a comma is. But I don't know how to use them right yet.

Oh yeah, I guess Iggy Pop is clean now. Never saw that one coming. I could have sworn he would have been the American version of Shane McGowan.

Two of the craziest fuckers on the planet. But, hella talented.

By the way, anyone who hasn't, check out Her Space Holiday. Manic Expressive is a brilliant album.

FIN

Thanks V.

2007-05-10T18:03:00.001-04:00

I effin did it.

2007-05-09T03:28:00.000-04:00

Come fall I will be college bound again.

I've just submitted all my stuff to transfer from IUSB to IUPUI. So come fall time, I'll be the old guy in school. I'm actually rather stoked. I think this is what I should have been doing the last few years when I felt my brain was turning to mush.

I'm just not looking forward to retaking any classes. I really hope I don't have to.

Oh well. I'm going to bed with a smile on my face for a change.

FIN

Time.

2007-05-04T02:07:00.000-04:00

It's time for me to re-evaluate what direction I want my life to be taking. I see right now that I'm still trying to be that same kid I was 5 years ago. The only thing that has changed is that I drink good beer now instead of cheap stuff.

I can't continue to live the way I have been. I'm constantly just looking for that next good time. I go through the motions every week just to get to the weekend, of which I do nothing redeeming at all. What little extra income I have I tend to blow on going on partying every week. If I truly want to grow up and become an adult I suppose I have to change that. The only problem is, that is pretty much my only social experiences of the week. Otherwise I'd just be a hermit. Seriously.

Also over the past weekend, I apparently made a friend of mine really mad. Something was said to someone that should not have been. I'm pretty sure I didn't make the comment, but generally when somethings goes wrong in my immediate area, it's usually my fault. Now I know when I was told the story, it was in confidence. I know I wouldn't have said anything about it. But again, when something is wrong near me, it's usually my fault. If not, I'll take the blame anyway. Funny thing is though, I do remember story being told not by me later in the night to someone else. It started a good twenty minute conversation on the subject. I feel terrible, as someones trust in me is totally destroyed.

I'm also starting to think that moving back to the city may have been a mistake. Granted the past year has been great for me on a personal level. I've got my confidence back (it's been missing since high school) and I'm starting to get financially stable. I just see my life not getting much better than what it is. I don't feel like there is a challenge for me in what I'm doing right now, on any level. I don't see things changing at all. I used to fear change, but now I welcome it. It keeps things from getting boring. Am I finally starting to become an adult? Should I think about maybe transferring my job and starting a new challenge somewhere else? Should I try and go back to school and finish up my degree? So much shit to think about.

Sorry for the depressing post. I needed to get that stuff out. I promise the next one will be full of poo jokes and the fourth grade humor you have come to expect from me.

FIN

Hometown Lovins'

2007-05-01T21:37:00.000-04:00

The last five days I was back in my old hometown. I forgot how bad it can really be there. Upon entering the town, I see multiple signs like this artists rendition below. (Sorry, I didn't have time to snap a picture)

Please not the creative spelling of "tonite." It was done on a three foot by four foot board in red and black spray paint. I thought to myself, "Wow, Elkhart is really stepping up the world." That thought was quickly replaced by shame.

A few minutes after that, I see this----

Wow. CJ's tree service has their own Monster Truck. This sat at the gas station for the duration of my trip. I was amazed. Monster Trucks and Pro Wrestling. Not to mention the multiple mullets, ponytails and general jack-assery that I witnessed at a dance club. Jack-assery being myself.

As a last side note, while I was driving down Main St. in Elkhart, I realized something crazy. The city's only gay bar, quaintly known as 'The Closet Club' is smack next door to the local area Republican Party Headquarters. Now you just can't make that stuff up.

Oh Elkhart, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways......

FIN

Yes.

2007-04-27T07:34:00.000-04:00

The last five hours have finally hit weird point. I've been listening to Slowdive's Souvlaki extremely loud over and over. The lack of sleep, with the awesome music has me feeling all sorts of out of it. I haven't felt like this since the late 90's. It's kind of nice.

I'm off to Elkhart in a few hours.

Should be fun.

FIN

Update Action Time.

2007-04-18T22:56:00.000-04:00

In case anyone was wondering, I think my mother will be fine. She only has the one tumor in her lung which she'll have to have removed with surgery. It still sucks, but it could be worse.

In other news, it appears that I did not lose my cell phone the other day. I found it under the seat of my car. Damn.....

FIN

Weekends.

2007-04-17T00:02:00.000-04:00

This past weekend a friend very dear to me came to visit. It was so nice. I love being able to go out and do all the things that are "girly" and being able to just enjoy it. I was able to go shopping, dancing, and I was able to cook for someone. Food wasn't quite as good as I hoped, but you can't have it all. But I did get a kick ass pair of jeans. New Favorite Pair!

It just went by way to fast. My stinking job made me work on Sunday, and that cut the festivities short.

The sad thing is that she is going to be moving to Arizona in the coming months. And, in all likely hood, that was one of the last times we'll ever hang out. Moving saddens me. I agree that she needs to go there. Her life is wasting away in a place that she doesn't enjoy. I just wish Arizona was a little closer. I'm starting to get down thinking about it.

Again, I guess a person can't have it all.

FIN

O.K.

2007-04-10T00:45:00.000-04:00

Let me shed a bit of light on the previous post.

My mother has cancer.

That sucks.

I had a wretched weekend, seeing people I haven't seen in forever ignoring me. Made me feel like home.

I'm so fucking glad I moved here.

I'm not perfect. Never claimed to be.

So fucking happy I'm here.

FIN

Try.

2007-04-10T00:05:00.000-04:00

Why is it the the worst word in the planet is malignant?

Out of all the people that should have died in the past, I should be number one on the list. Not someone who really never did anything wrong.

This is fucking bullshit.

FIN

Nope.

2007-03-26T17:28:00.000-04:00

Try as I might, I just don't get British humor.

It's just not funny. Not even "it's so bad it's funny" funny. It just isn't.

Am I missing something? Am I not pretentious enough to pretend to enjoy something that is completely awful?

Although, I couldn't stop watching the show I was watching. It has a car wreck effect on me. I kept waiting for something funny to happen/be said, but it just kept disappointing me.

I know all you people out there are going to tell me I need to see this, I need to see that, but what's the point? It's just not funny.

The verdict, leave the British humor for the Brits. Keep that crap on your side of the pond chaps.

FIN

Fun.

2007-03-19T04:01:00.000-04:00

I have spent the last three hours having more fun than I have had in the last 18 years.

http://www.peewee.com/

Can't stop smiling.

FIN

Good times.

2007-03-15T19:20:00.000-04:00

These are indeed good times. Even better than the TV show.

I get to go to Toronto next month.
I just got a raise at work.
The weather has been nice.
I've met some new friends.

Good Times.

FIN

Adventurous.

2007-03-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

So the other night ended up seeing TV On the Radio.

It was a good show. I think they are a much better live band than a studio band. Crappy SPIN magazine named them album of the year for '06, but I'd personally give it a 7 out of 10. Granted it's ten times better than most of the crap that passes for music these days, but album of the year, no.

Anyway, they are a fantastic live band. It was one of the better shows I'd ever been to. I met up with a friend of mine there and really enjoyed the night (aside from the weak over-priced vodka tonics).

After the show I was walking back to my car and saw the drummer outside next to the tour bus. I thanked him for the show, and told him how much I enjoyed it. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in the Alley Cat with the band. It was pretty damn cool. They all seemed like real nice guys.

Fun night.

The next day sucked, as I felt like hell since I was so tired and slightly hungover.

I think I will start trying to go to more shows. It was a nice change of pace.

FIN

P.I.T.A.

2007-03-07T18:16:00.000-05:00

I just found out today that I won't have to move. I squeeked out of that. I feel like celebrating tonight. Staying where I am, at least for the next year or so.

Awesomeness ensues.

I'm going to see TV on the Radio tomorrow night. Should be a fun show, but I'm a little nervous about it. I rarely do anything on my own here, so it's going to be a little out of my comfort level. That's one thing I need to learn to get over. Flying solo outside of grocery shopping. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Well now. I'm outtie like an umbilical cord.

FIN

meh. again.

2007-03-04T23:52:00.000-05:00

It was five years ago yesterday that I moved to Indianapolis the first time. How things have changed since then.

Actually, not much has changed. I've just gotten older, a few more gray hairs, and worsening hangovers.

It sucks getting old. I'll have to change that.

On the plus side, I had some awesome gelato tonight. It was the best thing ever.

FIN

Chances.

2007-02-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Chances are I might be moving soon. It's too soon to tell for absolutely sure, as I'm trying to get out of it.

On another note, I'm super stoked about this weekend. One of my really awesome friends is coming down. It's going to be three days and two nights of some killer wiler diller fun-tastic times.

Lastly, all of you need to check out a group called Stellastar* . They are wickedly great. Second best album I've heard this year, after We Are Scientists. Pick up Stellastar*'s album Harmonies for the Haunted. It's brilliant.

I'm out.

FIN

Two years.

2007-02-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

Wow. Hard to believe that's been almost two years since that night I ended up in the emergency room. I can't believe how much has changed. At that point in time I couldn't imagine even trying to go for another day. I'm so glad things didn't work out like I wanted. These last couple years have been amazing. Sure there's been some hard times, but for the most part I'm extremely happy with how it's all ended up. So who ever is out there reading this raise a glass to good times. Take it from me, it's pretty good.

FIN

upgrade.

2007-02-13T01:12:00.000-05:00

i'm tired. SMS has been upgraded to a 5. I'm done. The humor wore off.

Wow.

2007-02-13T00:53:00.000-05:00

SMS Rating has been upgraded to 1.9. Grass has pretty much disappeared.

Maybe the weather guys were right for a change.

Seeing as how I'm at it.

2007-02-13T00:13:00.000-05:00

Since I'm up, I've decided to give everyone a real time account of the snow storm we're getting. I now present:

"THE GREAT BUPKIS STORM OF 2007"

The snow has begun to fall. The roofs across the street are now slightly white.

SMS* Rating = .2

*SMS- The SMS rating is a recently developed state of the art snow rating. SMS stands for Snow Menace Scale. It is a rating on the scale of 0.0 to 10.0. SMS was developed in 2007 by Bryan Krallman in conjunction with Anheuser-Busch, Inc.

All I can eat are dog biscuits.

2007-02-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here at home waiting for the worst snow storm to hit Indy in years. I haven't seen shit yet. Not even a little flake. Nada. Bupkiss. Zilch. I'm glad I didn't decide to pull a sleepover at work.

The last week has been a bit weird. I'm lonely as hell, but yet I do nothing about it. I'm sit alone at home and just wallow. I clean a helluva lot too. Everything in this place is spotless, but still I find something to clean. I'm still watching too much TV though.

Friday night I met with some people at my favorite watering hole. I feel bad since some people came kinda far, and felt way out of place there. I was there with two seperate groups of people, and I didn't want to ditch either one, so I decided to stay. Group #2 left, and I stayed with group #1. I'm sorry they weren't able to stay, as it was with someone that I haven't seen in years, and what seemed like a pretty nice guy. I would have liked to gotten to know him better. Of course the end of the night ended in a dirty haze, and well, I don't really remember the end of the night at all.

I'm also homesick as hell. I really miss old E-town. Not really the town, but an awesome handful of people. I don't have that here. Things are going so great professionally here, that I could never even think about leaving. I'm sure the social aspect will turn around soon here. I'm rapidly approaching a year here, and I'm actually better off than I was a year ago at this time. That's awesomely brilliant.

So there's a little B.S. for you not to read.

FIN

BTW the way, any blogger users, are you getting totally fucked ever since the little account merger?? Everything I post is fucked up.

whoo.

2007-02-08T20:59:00.000-05:00

Man was I ever in a shit mood the other day. It's kind of making me think I'm bi-polar or something. Tuesday I wanted nothing to do with anybody. I just wanted to sit and sulk all alone.

Today was good. I was a little grumpy this morning, but around noon-ish I was fine.

Such is life in Bryan land.

FIN

yup.

2007-02-07T02:56:00.000-05:00

Due to some unforeseen recent developments I will be in social shut down mode for the next two weeks or so.

It's time for a little "me" time.

FIN

Homey don't play that.

2007-01-31T22:28:00.000-05:00

I told myself a few minutes back that I would be going to bed soon. I'm very tired but need to hold out for a few more minutes, so that I don't wake up way too early.

Last night I caught a great old movie on TV. If anyone has never seen some of the old Paul Newman & Robert Redford buddy flicks you should watch them all. Especially all the ones George Roy Hill directed. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is probably the best, but The Sting runs a close second. Watch them both if you've never seen them.

Currently my TV is still broken, hence the posting two days in a row. I may just have to go pick up a new one here soon. I think I can fix it at work tomorrow. We'll see.

Well I think I'm done for now. Another pointless post, but that's expected by now.

FIN

So I'm told.

2007-01-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

I've been told by a dear friend that I don't put much up here. While that is in fact, quite true, I feel I need to resolve the aforementioned malady by posting something of noteworthy content. (This last sentence was spoken in by brain with a British accent, re-read it, it sounds much better.)

So today was a strange day. I attempted to resolve some things that have been bothering me in the last couple days, but alas, this was not to be. (Actually this whole post from now will sound much batter if read with a British accent. Out Loud. Don't worry, nobody's listening).

By and by, as I was last lamenting, resolution was not in my book of songs today. Peculiar as it is, procrastination was the penultimate answer. Resolution not willingly forthcoming, I decided to forge on with my day. (O.K. last side note, do a half British accent, with a little Yoda sauce on the side. Then it sounds like my head. And follow the god damn punctuation. Please.)

Strolling customarily forward, as I do, I decided to meet an old acquaintance for a pint or two this evening. Disaster would surely abound, a good fellow would say.

The man with the hat was right. Disaster abounded with my telly. The unit, could not work, in the right. "Bollocks," I declared. Oh yes, Bollocks, Bollocks indeed.

So now I sit, half pissed out of me mind, straying at the keys for some thought, that might, in a night or two, get a laugh.

Bollocks. Bollocks Indeed.

FIN

today.

2007-01-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

Today I miss the familiar.

I miss the feeling of knowing everything will be OK.

It will be, won't it?

plan of attack.

2007-01-10T03:06:00.000-05:00

So I've just come across the perfect vacation for me in March. Here's the plan.

Thursday March 22: Leave Indy for Chicago. Get to Chicago around 5pm-ish. See Sarah and Miguel.

Friday March 23rd: See Bloc Party in Chicago that night.

Saturday March 24th: Leave early morning for Detroit. See Red Wings game at 2pm in Detroit. After game, drive to Toronto. Arrive in Toronto around 9pm. Party down with the Lindsay and the RCMP.

Sunday March 25th: Have Lindsay take me to CN tower. I know it's cheesy and touristy but I don't care. I want to go. See Bloc Party again that night.

Monday March 26th: Leave T.O. Arrive in Detroit in the afternoon, and see my friends in The Guns. Go to another Red Wings game that night. Stay in Detroit that night.

Tuesday March 27th: Head back to Indy.

Man that sounds perfect. I just need about a $1,000 to pull it off. I'm pretty sure I can get it saved. Now I just need a travel companion. The car rides will be pretty boring alone.

Such a trashy man.

2007-01-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

It's fucking freezing in my place right now. It's probably partially due to the fact that I am sick. I refuse to acknowledge it though. This place is a righteous pit too. I should really clean it up. I've been suck a fucking slacker when it comes to cleaning lately. I haven't even picked up in two weeks. That is bullshit. After typing this, it's cleaning time.

I'm starting to get really stressed at work. Things have terrible there lately. I've been busting my ass, but still don't feel like I've been getting enough done. Sick or not, I'm going all out tomorrow. I'm going to get it all done. I don't care if I am there until nine post meridiem (sorry, I'm trying to teach myself Latin, and I have it stuck in my head).

Also I'm rather pissed lately that I spend all my free time watching TV. My WB/CW addiction is coming back. I'm trying to catch all the shows that were on the WB back in the day to get back caught up. After watching TV all day at work the last thing I should be doing is watching more, but I can't help it. I feel my brain slowing starting to decay and it pisses me off. Hence the reason for me start learning Latin. I figure a dead language is a good way to keep the important parts of my brain intact. Until I drink them away, that is.

A couple days ago I finally started to try and fix a computer my friend loaned me. After putting it off for a month, I finally fixed it. It only took about 5 minutes. Somehow the hard drive cable got knocked loose from the motherboard.

I think I'm done. I'm too out of it to try and write anything else.

FIN

Happy New what?

2007-01-03T00:39:00.000-05:00

So spent the past weekend in Chicago. It was rough. I just can't do things the way I used to. I joke around about feeling old, but this past weekend really made me feel it. I was so damn tired and sore, that I could barely function. I really need to get my sleeping pattern back in shape. I can feel my body physically wasting away with every passing moment. This has got to change. I won't call it a resolution, but more of a necessity. If I keep going on like I am, I'm afraid I won't be around in ten years. That does not sound appealing to me.

The lack of sleep has caused my depression to come back, and I just have no desire to do anything except sit around and watch TV. It has also made me crave nasty foods that are not healthy at all. Starting tomorrow night I want to be in bed by 11pm every night for the next week. Hopefully if I can do it for a week, after that it just get easier. I'd start tonight, but it's already 12:48am and well I'm a little late.

FIN

Well here I am.

2006-12-05T00:27:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here way past my bedtime with yet another wretched stomach ache. I see that in the last few months, I have not really updated this much at all, so here, yet again, is a current recap of my life, in a convenient easy to read and digest list format.

I got arrested the Wednesday before Thanksgiving for doing the right thing for a change.

I no longer have a roomate.

I'm may currently be involved with something that can be seen as wrong on some levels, but I don't care. I'm enjoying it.

Earlier today I put some lotion on some dry spots on my legs. Turns out I'm allergic to that lotion. The itchiness intensified. Plus when I was taking a shower to wash off the lotion, I somehow set my smoke detector off. It would not shut off until I flipped the breaker for it.

I'm back to just running two stations at work. That's nice.

I'm convinced my neighbors are some sort of exotic furniture smugglers. Sounds weird, but I swear it's true.

FIN

Oh yeah, I can't get this page to look right in Firefox. If you want to see it in full glory you'll have to use IE. Sorry. My mad computer skills are on vacation.

Sorry 'bout all that folks.

2006-11-13T18:04:00.000-05:00

Yeah it's been quite some time since I regularly posted. Here's a recap of what's new:

I'm single again. It sucks, but it's for the best.

For the last three weeks I've been horridly depressed and burned out. That ended today. I got fed up with feeling like crap, so I decided to end it.

I'm getting sued for old medical bills that I didn't know I had. Shit-tastic.

I've been watching way too much TV lately.

I get to run yet another TV station tomorrow. That makes three that I need to run everyday. Hella hard, but hella rewarding.

I've only gotten drunk and made an ass out of myself once in the last month. Go me.

My ten year high school reunion is coming up. I will not be attending that loser-fest.

There's been a couple other things, but for the most part that is it.

FIN

Sometimes.

2006-10-25T00:35:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I miss living back home.

This past weekend a couple of great friends came down to visit. I had a lot of fun. More fun than I've had since I went to the zoo. I really miss having people around I know. I have a couple here, but none like I have back home. I really miss it sometimes. It just sucks since I know it will be quite some time before I see either one of them again. Hell, it may very well be the last time I could ever see them. You never know.

I hate to dwell on on depressing shit like that. I can only hope that one day I can finally have the same caliber of friends here.

FIN

My damn name.

2006-10-25T00:23:00.000-04:00

Impossible. I have the damn thing don't I?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Looking for a fun date?

2006-10-23T19:49:00.000-04:00

I stole this from a great website. It's a bunch of ideas for a date. The site is here.

Personally I think #13 would be fun.

1. Pretend you've never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like they worked.

2. Go on a walking journey and every fifteen feet draw a chalk arrow in the direction you're going. At the end of the trip, leave a big pile of chalk.

3. Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn't really happen

4. Go for a drive. You can only make right-hand turns. When you finally get stuck, turn around and then you can only make left-hand turns. Repeat until you find something interesting. Take pictures along the way!

5. Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.

6. Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books

7. Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.

8. Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.

9. Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!

10. Hide and seek in the park

11. Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things

12. Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you've never been to. With fake names.

13. Go for a drive with the passenger blindfolded, choosing directions at random. see where you end up

14. Dress up as pirates, commandeer shopping carts, and have a war upon the high seas.. er, parking lot.

15. Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence

16. Rent a movie you've never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.

17. Dress up as pirates and go parrot shopping at local pet stores

18. Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.

19. Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras

20. In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.

FIN

Well I did it.

2006-10-11T05:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I cut all of my long beautiful hair off.

I went from this

To this

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!

2006-09-23T16:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah so I haven't updated this in a while?? Whatcha gonna do?

Only a week?

2006-08-20T23:17:00.000-04:00

It seems that in the past week, my life has taken a drastic change.

I'm actually at a loss for words.

Anyway, here some albums to check out.

The Silver Jews-Tanglewood Numbers
The Stone Roses-The Stone Roses (I know it's old, but it's a classic)

FIN

Strange.

2006-08-14T00:07:00.000-04:00

So I finally got new glasses. I picked them up yesterday. Now I feel that I need to get a haircut, shave and start being a new person just because of them.

My old ones I'd had since I was 19. I'm 27 now. Those glasses were on my face for pretty much the formative years of my life. They lived with me in multiple places, cites and homes. They traveled halfway across the world with me. But now it's time for a change. Plus I made two monocles out my old ones. Can't wear those anymore.

It's strange how one little things can totally throw my whole physical view of myslef into upheaveal. I suppose I'll get used to them eventually, but it's going to be a strange week. No one has seen them yet except for the handful of people at the eye doctor. I'd place a picture, but I'll instead just let people see. Once I finally shave and get a haircut, maybe I'll place a picture up.

This is the dawning of a new era!
This is the dawning of a new era!
I met a girl from area three
She told me that she worked in a chicken factory

The Specials- Dawning of a New Era

Oh and here's some tunes to check out. I'll at least start giving people a reason to come to read my mindless drivel.

Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
The Arcade Fire- Funeral

So go pick those albums up. You'll like them. And if you don't next time you see me, I'll eat something gross. Whatever you want. Except meat.

FIN

Stupid camera phone.

2006-08-09T00:50:00.000-04:00

I finally buy a new phone, and two weeks after I shell out way too much money for a high megapixel camera phone, the god damned lens breaks. All the pictures I take now have a haze around them.

Fucking technology.

But I am finally getting new glasses tomorrow. After eight years of the same ones, I figured it was time.

FIN

Tag I'm it.

2006-08-07T19:49:00.000-04:00

This was originally posted back in March.

http://voyageintostupidity.blogspot.com/2006/03/only-because-i-have-to.html

With some slight editing (mainly changing Sarah to Mandy) I present this to you in it's somewhat full glory.

Ok this is from Mandy . If you don't know her, well then you suck, since she is a cool girl. This originally came from my Myspace page, but since I don't use myspace for blogs, it goes here.

The Game:

The first player of this game starts with the "6 weird/things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read yours. (which I'm not doing)

1. I have a lot of insane fears. I posted about them a little while back, but here are a few in no particular order. Needles. I pass out whenever I get a shot. I get squeamish and shaky when I see them on TV. I'm also scared of baseballs, pregnant women, and really long hair.

2. Every day in the shower I give myself a pep talk. I go over all the things that will happen that day, and prepare myself for them. I've been doing this since I was about 8 years old, and had a hard time dealing with people. Now I just do it, so that I have no surprises coming in the day.

3. For being a sugar-free vegetarian, I have the worst diet in the world. I never eat anything remotely healthy. Except for once month when I have a salad. My stomach constantly hurts, and I can't seem to stop eating the way I do.

4. This is probably the most embarassing on the list. I enjoy watching figure skating. I really do. Everytime I see it on TV I stop and watch it. I can't help it.

5. When I get bored, I tend to recite the alphabet backwards. I've done it so many times, that I can pretty much do it on cue. I find it helps on road trips. I tend not to think on how sore my ass is.

6. I purposely aim too high on things just so I can feel disappointed. I find it keeps my (very small) ego in check. I tend to try and over achieve, and stop myself just short of the goal.

That's all for now. Thank you Sarah. Whoops. I mean Mandy.

Now since then some of of these have changed.

1. I am in constant fear of making an ass out of myself around people that I respect. This tends to keep me indoors alone, so there will be a very small chance of me pissing someone off.

2. I am an avid watcher of crappy teen dramas on TV. I hate the OC. But I love Dawson's Creek, Veronica Mars, One Tree Hill, and most stuff on the WB. I also love Antiques Roadshow.

3. I still love to watch figure skating.

4. I am not gay.

5. Not only to pregnant women scare me, but also pretty girls. At least the ones that know how hot they are. Bitches.

6. I eat Tums like a motherfucker.

Seeing as how I'm on a roll, I might as well keep going.......(the constant fear I was talking about, might as well just accept the fact I'm a weirdo, and bring on the embarrassment)

7. I haven't gotten a haircut in five months. I have not shaved my beard in one month. And I refuse until I have a good reason. Vanity isn't one of them. Speaking of this, I've found the more hairy I get, the less inclined people are to talk to me. I pretty much get ignored by damn near everyone at work. It's very nice.

8. When I'm home alone, I sometimes pee sitting down. Why stand when you can sit?

9. I am not gay.

10. Every morning I have to hear "It's Your Thing" by the Isley Brothers to wake up.

11. I refuse to throw away clothes on a timely basis. I have shirts from the late eighties I still wear. That includes Vanilla Ice and New Kids on the Block. Not too mention my Chuck Taylors from high school.

12. Sometimes I challenge myself to say as little as possible in a given day. Record at home-0 words, three days. Record at work-5 words, 1 day.

13. My favorite place to shop is the grocery.

Well I think I have embarrassed myself enough now.

FIN

When the hell did this happen?

2006-08-03T18:19:00.000-04:00

Sometime in the last decade or so (actually since I turned eighteen) I have become intensely interested in politics. In the last few weeks I have written letter to three members of the US congress, two to the governer of Indiana, and one to a state senator. Is it weird that I have become so interested? I'm not a nerd for really caring what happens to me and the people that live in my state and country? Hell maybe I should even look into running for something. I'm not sure if I would be any good though. I tend to over analyze everything and until I have done so, I tend not to make a decision. If I were elected, that might make my constituents unhappy.

It is something to think about though.

FIN

Let's see, shall we?

2006-07-30T16:18:00.000-04:00

So I haven't been updating this much lately as I have had nothing new going on.

I'm convinced that the older you get, the more stuck in a routine you get. I'm stuck in a routine. It's not real fun, but it's safe. I don't have to worry about things happening that could potentially be bad. Of course, by the same token, I don't get to enjoy the little fun bonuses that come with taking risks.

I guess some things were just not meant to be.

FIN

Well what's new??

2006-07-23T09:09:00.000-04:00

Well there was a lot of things that I wanted to say on here ytesterday, but I can't remmeber any of them. Things are slowly starting to turn around somewhat for me. The last couple weeks have been pretty rough, but I think I'm getting out of that funk.

Had some fun yesterday. A couple friends stopped by for a couple hours. Had some wickedly good food, and I bought another hookah. A nice one this time.

That's about all that is really going on my life. Nothing real exciting.

FIN

Wow.

2006-07-08T00:15:00.000-04:00

I was really in a shitty mood last night. Tonight's shaping up to be the same. I was going to go hang at a friends place, but when I called back after eating, her phone was disconnected, and now have no idea how to get there. I guess some nights are just meant to be real boring. It's OK though. I really don't feel like leaving now anyway.

I do apologize to all the people that I might have pissed off or annoyed on the 4th. I had only slept two hours the night before, hadn't eaten all day, and decided to have a few drinks. I had about six bottles of beer, but it might as well been eighteen. I don't recall much after nine p.m. What I do know, I called a lot of people, a lot of times, and am not sure what was said. So to all of you out there, I am very sorry.

It won't EVER happen again.

FIN

And yet I continue to do it.

2006-06-25T19:23:00.000-04:00

I'm about to embark on something that is going to blow up in my face. Why do I continue to do these things knowing full well what is going to happen? What underlying psychological problem do I have that makes me continue to do these things? I don't enjoy when things go wrong, but I know they always do. So why do I still make crappy decisions that screw me over emotionally?

It could be that I am some sort of closet masochist. Actually, I don't feel normal unless there's some sort of mental anguish going through my head. When I'm happy I know I'm overlooking something, and then my mind starts to go crazy, and then I cook up all these schemes that I really want to work, but they never do.

I just wish I could figure out how most people do it. That would be nice.

FIN

Late night thoughts....

2006-06-20T23:49:00.000-04:00

It's late and I need sleep. But my mind keeps wandering back to one singular thought.

I want to stage the worlds first cagematch between a knife wielding chinchilla and an evil koala.

VS.

Man that would be sweet.

2006-06-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

It took a little while, but I finally realized how much I gave up when I moved away from home. There's a lot of things that I'll never have away from home.

But I've gained so much more.

FIN

2006-06-07T23:27:00.000-04:00

I just spent an hour on the phone with someone that I never thought I speak with again. I love modern technology.

FIN

I swear I'm going to do it.

2006-06-05T20:58:00.000-04:00

I'm letting my hair grow long again. Not because I'm too cheap for a haircut, I'm too lazy to bother to get one.

FIN

Yeah.

2006-06-05T19:58:00.000-04:00

Why does it feel like sometimes that life just gives you a swift kick in the shin? Let me explain......

Although painful, a kick a in the shin is more of an annoyance. It hurts for a little while, but goes away pretty quick. Every now and then though, for a little while when you're doing something, you get a little twinge. It only lasts for a few days, but you don't forget it's there. After a week, you're usually fine, but sometimes it sucks until then.

About a month ago, I met someone unbelievebly cool. Great conversationalist, smart as anyone I had ever met, extremely kind, and dare I say very good looking. We had a moment. You all know how those are. For that one brief moment in life, you forget all about all the other crap going on in the world. The starving kids, global warming, the homeless, all the personal crap in your own life, and you just bask in the glory of this one fine moment. You revel in the fact that for this instant, life is perfect.

As of now, this has been more than a month, since that time. Through no fault of either party, things just haven't shaped out. There are things I could have different, things she could have done different. I don't blame anyone.

The day after was the kick in the shin. Now the twinge has gone away.

I'll never forget the moment before the kick.

FIN

Ever heard of a Caganer?

2006-06-02T21:04:00.000-04:00

Look at this silly little figure.

It's called a Caganer. Here's a little history thanks to Wikipedia-

A Caganer (IPA:/k?.g?.'ne/) is a little statue unique to Catalonia, Spain, and neighbouring areas with Catalan influence such as Andorra.

In Catalonia, as in most of Spain, the traditional Christmas decoration is a large model of the city of Bethlehem, similar to American Nativity scenes that encompasses the entire city rather than just the typical manger scene. The Catalans have added an extra character that is not found in the manger scenes of any other culture. In addition to Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the Shepherds and company, Catalans have the character known as the Caganer. This extra little character is often tucked away in some corner of the model, typically nowhere near the manger scene, where he is not easily noticed. There is a good reason for his obscure position in the display, for "caganer" translates from Catalan to English as "defecator", and that is exactly what this little statue is doing — defecating.

The reasons for placing a man who is in the act of excreting solid waste from his posterior in a scene which is widely considered holy are as follows:

1. The Caganer, by creating feces, is fertilizing the Earth. Thus, he is considered a symbol of prosperity and luck for the coming year.
2. Finding the Caganer is a fun game, especially for children.
3. Humor

I have to get me some of these. They have all sorts of them. Even a pope one.

This is my favorite.

Classic.

There are more here.

So I called you a Muffin Slut? What are you going to do?

2006-05-22T23:13:00.000-04:00

Yes it appears that I have become a muffin slut. I can't stop making and eating muffins. I'm not trying to be funny either. I've bought 5, yes 5, packages of muffin mix in the last week, and I can't stop myself. All i can think about is making more muffins and eating them. I ate an entire package yesterday. All I day i dream about bluberries, and banana nut muffins. It's starting to get scary. If I don't have a muffin in the next twenty-four hours, I may end up hurting someone. I think the brand I eat have some sort of chemical additive. Serious. I can't stop thinking about those damn scrumptious muffins. I'll be back. I have to find something to gromp on right now, or I'll explode.

So I just ate an English muffin. Which really isn't a muffin at all. I think it's more like the blacksheep of the muffin family. Reagrdless, it didn't satisfy me.

On to something a little more sane.

Nope. Can't stop thinking about muffins. Damn it.

FIN

Funny the way things happen.....

2006-05-16T23:38:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting and watching TV tonight, I though about the one time I actually asked a person to marry me. I don't know why I did it, and at the time I meant it, but I'm glad now that things didn't work out. I know that some of you reading this don't know about it, but it did happen. I never told anyone about it, except for obviously the person I asked.

I'm not looking for marriage, now or anytime in the near future. I'm looking for long term, but not that long term.

Eh, now I'm too tired to go on. I'll explain more tomorrow. Actually I won't. I'm the only person who looks at this, so what's the fucking point.

FIN

Wow.

2006-05-08T00:45:00.000-04:00

I love the Post Secret website.

www.postsecret.com

And thnks to them I want to get involved in helping people. I don't want people to make the same mistake I did and try to commit suicide. I tihnk I may have a bit of an insight as to how they are feeling since I was once that way. I have to get involved. I can't let people think that way.

Ahh, the truth comes out

2006-05-07T23:53:00.000-04:00

And the truth is??? Well, you'll have to pry it out of me. HA!

Luckily, I had a vacuum.

2006-05-06T18:42:00.000-04:00

So I did end up having some fun last night. Actually that is a bit of an understatement. I had a fucking blast. Easily the most fun I've had since I've been down here. The only crappy thing about the night is that it ended earlier than I wanted, but, sometimes that happens. I won't bore you all with all the mundane details, but suffice to say, I'm kicking ass. Only sometimes taking names.

FIN

A.

2006-05-06T04:04:00.000-04:00

Amazing. All I have to say.

Do you know where your life is?

2006-05-05T21:22:00.000-04:00

Well kids, here it is. Friday night and where am I? Sitting alone in front of my computer, in my pajamas nonetheless, typing into this. It's quite possibly the most bored I've been since moving to Indy. I'd give someone a call to see if anyone is up to haging out, but my dumbass reset my phone on accident, and well now I don't have anyy phone numbers except the ones in my head. All of those numbers though are for people back in Elkhart. So here I sit with my trusty Diet Coke, and pack of smokes, and nothing but the traffic noise to keep me happy. Such a fortunate life.

Have I told anyone how incredibly annoying it is to live a half mile from a fire station? It's so loud. There are at least 20 sirens a day blaring by my windows. I'll only be glad there close if there's a fire here. Otherwise it's just a plain annoyance.

Ahh, so dear readers, it appears I'm in for a crappy night of local TV and counting the sirens. If I have a chance to sneak a picture of them going by I will.

You know what? I desperately want to hang out somewhere. I don't even want to drink. I just want to be social. I really need that right now. I'd post my phone number on here, in the vain hope that someone would call, but it would probably be that guy from Germany who somehow hits my site by trying to look up pictures of people pooping. (By the way, there are none here)

Lastly, I just bit my lip and now it's bleeding. Go fucking figure.

FIN

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2006-05-04T18:36:00.000-04:00

Icky poo.

2006-04-29T18:22:00.000-04:00

I seem to have lost my voice. If anyone finds it please return it to me. I'm sure it's lonely out there all alone.

Although now it is quite easy to make fun of me, since I can't say anything back.

My little sister is here visiting. She asleep on the couch right now. I wish I was asleep, but if I nap now, I'll be up all damned night. So I'll just sit here going on my measley three hours of sleep and stay up until midnight or so, and then crash hard. Real hard.

FIN

I wish my name was Chachi.

2006-04-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

It's been a month now that I've been down in Indy. It's probably the best month I've had in a long time. I haven't been down (except for that one day I was just really bored), and things are going good. (except for my tummy--ouchie wouchie). I've made a few friends, which I honestly didn't think I would do, and am having a real good time. It's nice to finally be part of the normal. I do miss some of things of my life back in Elkhart. I miss the weird random shit that used to happen to me on a daily basis. I miss the look on my friends faces when I fill them in on my random adventures. Ahh the good times. They had to end sometime. I think that now these are the start of a whole different kind of good times. Less weird and chaotic, but no less happy.

Ahh, the good time. Let me have it.

FIN

2006-04-25T18:02:00.000-04:00

To add to myriad of health related problems, this morning I was bitten by a spider. My whole hand itches and is swollen up. I have fat fingers. It's not very cool.

I also want to thank everyone for all the fun and craziness I had over the weekend when I was back home. I also wish to apologize to all the people that I didn't get to hang out with. Next time I'm there I'll see all you guys.

Both nights were so much fun.

FIN

Fuck.

2006-04-24T19:51:00.000-04:00

I have an ulcer.

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2006-04-21T05:58:00.000-04:00

2006-04-21T01:25:00.000-04:00

Why the hell have been so damn bitter the last few days? I can't seem to shake this little micro funk I'm in. I guess I'm just really looking forward this weekend. It'l lbe nice to be back home and see some people that I haven't seen in a month.

FIN